On Going With Your Gut

Have you ever had that feeling in your stomach, an automatic reaction to a person, a situation, a problem, an idea - sometimes before you are even in the moment of making a decision on it? I'm not talking about the brain-led voice of your ego that constantly chatters away to you, I'm not comfortable, I won't succeed, this won't be good for me, I want people to like me therefore I'll avoid this....

My Salcombe

I have been going to Salcombe with one of my favourite family's in the world for 12 years, since I was 17. It is a ritual, a part of my summer and always, ALWAYS a good time... 

When we were in our teens and early twenties, me and my best friend shamelessly ogled the Salcombe Boat Hire boys with their bleached hair and sea tans, dying inside if they so much as looked our way. Days were spent in head-to-toe Jack Wills on the beach and buying underage ciders from the handsome barmen at The Ferry Inn. It is a teenager's playground in the summer, a chance to flirt and stay out late in one of the safest places you can be. Early mornings were spent in the local club - Fusion it used to be called - in nearby Kingsbridge where we danced to cheesy music and counted out our pounds for WKDs, before returning back to Salcombe on the coach at 3am.

Twelve years later and I still love it... Our collective group of early twenties - early thirties plus some of the older generation now tends to take up two properties and has entranced numerous newbies throughout the years. We also have a few routine activities which we partake in every year and places where we visit and as I've just come back from a weeks holiday, I thought I would do a post with a few tips. So here's my Salcombe guide... (please note this is not a guide for young kids as we don't happened to have had any of those yet - so if you do this may not be the guide for you...)

Little Scraps of Wisdom

Yesterday was Father's Day and I didn't see my father. I had just got back from a week's holiday in Devon and he was away. I texted him late in the evening, but I haven't given him a card or present. I struggle every year on both Mother's Day and Father's Day with buying gifts, because how do you really say thank you for a lifetime... or even for a year. How is there only one day to express gratitude for everything they have given you.

Last year on his birthday I wrote a piece on Things My Father Has Taught Me (So Far), something I recycled and added to in a speech I gave at his recent 60th birthday party. This Father's Day, I was at a loss as to what I could write to explain how grateful I am, then I came across this quote online... 

“I believe that what we become depends on what our fathers teach us at odd moments, when they aren't trying to teach us. We are formed by little scraps of wisdom.”

― Umberto Eco, Foucault's Pendulum

It has inspired me to try to write a poem on these little scraps... so here it is... and Happy Father's Day, Daddy - a day late - I know...

Little Scraps of Wisdom

Safety is the best feeling you can give someone, safety and calm;

When I had nightmares you took me under your arm.

And now when I speak to others, I try to help them feel as secure

In the moment, the conversation, in themselves.

For fear disarms us.

Little gestures of kindness that I never acknowledged at the time

Punctuated my days with you. 

And now I try to be generous everyday too.

You never let me win any game, even aged five

And debated with me even then.

Now I'm a fighter.

Our conversations went on for hours, still do.

So if you didn't have time to finish it, you wouldn't start it.

A lesson I'm still learning.

You were proud of me when I did well, but not sycophantic;

You knew what I was capable of, even as young as I once was.

I loved to hear tales about your travels about all the people around the world,

That you'd met, that you'd spoken to.

You made me dream of travelling far and wide across the earth.

And you never thought you were better, so neither did I.

Despite the privileges afforded to me.

Bad language wasn't clever you said, it's an easy way out.

You have so much at your disposal, no need to sound like a lout.

There's never an easy way to achieve something great.

Whether money or success or respect, you have to graft.

You did graft.

Making the effort with family often seemed like a chore to me.

You respected the bonds of history.

And I loved having all those people around,

And I love to love.

You always have opinions on everything, with fire in your eyes.

Yet you told me of how you were dyslexic and shy.

I never saw it when I was young;

Except when you asked me to spell things.

To me you seemed like a lion, loved by all.

Yet you never made me feel small.

*******

Apologies for the lack of posts. I have fallen of the waggon in my #100DaysofWriting. Getting back on it now...

 

I Mean... Writer's Block

 

Is it writers block or is it laziness, this feeling that overwhelms my fingertips. They buzz like they want to work, but they're disconnected from my brain which seems to have nothing.

Nothing.

Life is full of wonders it really is. I know that. My eyes say that. Meditation class, yoga, books, nature has taught me that. Life is FULL. Yet, when I want to buzz with the wonder and my hands are ready, my brain is reluctant; like a petulant teen, it says "No, not today. Today we have nothing for you. We're just going to lie here and muse about what we want to eat later..."

Is it laziness though? Or is it self-esteem? Something is telling me that however much my finger tips buzz and I write... it will not be good enough, maybe that's why I stop.

Or maybe it will be good enough and that is what I am frightened of. 

Who knows?

Are you good enough at your job?

If you are a writer do you write enough?

The other thing is the mood... I am trying to write a sad scene but my brain is elated, full of happiness, full of life... it can't write the solemness for this passage... or it is scared of it...

Or the opposite.

Which is worse...

I am melancholic.

How can I write anything but sadness, depression, anxiety... how?

But a good writer - (says my ego) - a good writer could write all the time, anything they are - or they are not - feeling...

"NO", argues my soul, "no", it's better when you are soothed. Are you soothed?

Go to bed, talk, laugh; soothe your soul darling...

Your writers block is not laziness, it is you fighting yourself darling, that is what it is.

You are not listening....

Listen, please.

It will get easier if you do...

#The100DayProject, #100DaysofWriting, Day 21

Four Weddings and Added Instagram Hashtags

When I watched Four Weddings and a Funeral as a young teenager, I yearned for the time of weddings, for country houses and London receptions and all best friends having LOLs over champagne. I couldn’t wait for the romance and the Mini Coopers and the hats. Now I have officially entered wedding life season, here are a few observations that I would like to make about how my childhood dream has been destroyed...: 

1) They do not warn you about the money. I know everyone complains about this... but FFS. 

Starting with 

A) The Hen/Stag Do: It is in the South of France with MOH e-mailing everyone “Hi Guys! Please all transfer me £500.00 all-in for Buttercup’s hen. Also please all prepare a stand-up comedy routine / original song / handmade quilt for Buttercup as a gift. Will be such LOLS. Also send me stories about Buttercup.” – I don’t know any fucking stories she’s an old work colleague that I didn’t much like. My only stories about her revolve around her lunch choices and the occasional time she’d get pissed on a work night out and flirt with the intern.

Dedicated to the Ones Who Know Us Best

If you've got them you know, you know who they are. Without question. They're the ones that sense when something's wrong and call even if they're 100 miles away. Who let you borrow their shoes, even if you stretch them. They send you links of stuff they'd think you'd like and buy you silly cheap presents that are memories of a long-forgotten holiday. They think you're sparkling, so much so that you wonder where you'll find a lover who will reflect back such a magnificent picture. They know your drink order.

They'll talk to you about the same problem you've had for ten years with patience, but they'll call you on your bullshit too. You can spend hours with them in silence, and their parents have your mobile number. They'd happily invite you along on their date nights and vice versa.

You've enjoyed many a kitchen disco.

If you called them at 3am and they picked up, you know they'd help you with whatever you needed. They remember what you were like at 14, 16, 18, 21 and know that you still carry some of that uncomfortable adolescent in you, beneath the banter and blow dry.

They know your type from a mile off and steer you away if he's ill-advised.

If they wanted to they could say things that would pierce your deepest insecurities. But they never would, even during the most heated row.

You've laughed with them for thousands of hours of your life.

Travelled across the globe with them.

Know where the chocolate is kept at their parents house.

Sometimes when you're wtith them you feel s heated glow that tickles your spine, like you've drunk a bottle of wine. It's comfort and giggles and overwhelming emotion all at the same time.

Sometimes you want to smack them or tell them, to shut. the fuck. up. And you let them know. Sometimes you miss not seeing them EVERY SINGLE DAY, like at school.

The best foundations of your adult self.

Thoughts Too Much

Thoughts Too Much

Thoughts, thoughts all the time, inescapable...

Locked inside, but so loud.

Thinking not sleeping, sleeping while walking,

So loud.

People don’t see, don’t know, don’t ask.

Externally calm and poised.

The chic woman on the tube with the slightly red hands.

The house on the hill, the door never opened.

Boxes and boxes of stuff, endless phone calls.

Rituals that become your life,

So, so loud.

Nonsensical, but it doesn’t stop you, does it.

Disney films and sleeping pills and late night conversations,

Might placate them for a while.

Self-medicating stills them for a while, but is inadvisable,

They return louder and more detailed than before.

Fighting them every way they come, vehemently fighting them.

But this doesn’t help in the end.

In the end, you just have to let them go...

Don’t fight anymore and the volume turns down.

Until you learn to mute them.

#The100DayProject, #100DaysofWriting, Day 16

What Books Made You?

Yesterday, I went to Bailey's Women's Prize For Fiction and Grazia present #ThisBookClub Live, a panel discussion by five notable women and readers on the two books that they believe had the most influence on their careers and lives and shaped them to be who they are today. The discussion was part of a week's celebration of reading and authors in the run-up to the announcement of the winner of the Women's Prize for Fiction on Wednesday.

Chaired by renowned author, Kate Mosse, the panel was made up of columnist and author, Grace Dent; Shami Chakrabarti, Director of Liberty and chair of the 2015 Baileys Women’s Prize for Fiction judges; Polly Vernon, Grazia columnist and author of Hot Feminist; Aminatta Forna, award-winning author and Jane Shepherdson Chief Executive of Whistles.

The discussion was lively, the women were intelligent, insightful and a joy to listen to; I was especially spellbound by Aminatta Forna who I must admit I had never read and who has the most mellifluous voice that I ever did hear and smart, lucid opions (must buy her book). Grace Dent is delightfully witty as you would expect from her columns and Polly Vernon is part-girly, part fierce-honesty. Shami Chakrabarti I love, I have heard talk before and she must be one of the wittiest lawyers that has lived... (sorry cheap lawyer joke there). Jane Shepherson, an incredibly impressive business woman came across warm and bright. Kate Mosse, was just well, the narrator/chair that charmed us all, as she does in her books.

Of the two books they chose each, I had read four of ten, the rest are on my reading list now... I will list these at the bottom.

However, what the discussion really left me with, was what books had affected me in the same way? What literature had shaped my life in some way.... obviously there are numerous, but as 60% of these were wiped out of their stipulations, due to the fact that they were written by men, I at least could cut my list a little shorter. Here, after some soul-searching, are my two...

1) Frankenstein, Mary Shelley

Frankenstein was one of the books I chose to write my dissertation on; a ten-thousand word rambling on motherhood, taking in the novels of Mary Wollstonecraft and her daughter, Mary Shelley, as well as Wollstonecraft's pioneering text, A Vindication of the Rights of Women. My dissertation, was not as good as it should of been, crafted in my third year at university where I was a little lost in a spiral of slight depression and - as I now recognise - quite bad OCD.

However, Frankenstein sung out to me when I read it... Billed as a horror story, I thought I would not like it, but in fact, I loved every part of it. The creature's narrative especially, which is written in the most beautiful language thrilled me to the core. Shelley is so gifted in telling the story, but she also teaches through it. She teaches about the danger of unnatural creation, the danger of leaving women by the way-side, the story of nature vs nurture. To me Frankenstein, is a story about a lost child and Shelley herself had an absent mother - dead as she was. With all the impressive themes that the novel delivers, what I most gained from it at the time, I think, was the beauty of language, of description and of narrative. The narratives of the three main protagonists of the novel are all written so differently. She is a wonder storyteller is Shelley.

2) Harry Potter series JK Rowling

Ok, I ummed an ahhed about this second choice, there are novels by Toni Morrison, Sylvia Plath, Margaret Atwood and Alice Walker which all shaped my "womanhood" and how I grew up, how I learnt about feminism and how I learnt about myself. But if we are really looking at books that glare out at me through the years, that I remember and reread. It is this series. From the first book, published when I was 11 to the last which I read proudly at 21, there was ten years of growing up, of fighting with my sister about who got to read the family copy first, of learning. I aged with Harry and Hermione (kick-ass female if ever there was one) and the rest.

There are two main points that I still take from these books, even as I read them now. Firstly Rowling inspires me as a writer because of her ability to tell stories, she is a great story teller, telling tales that span years with multiple characters and plot lines... I envy this and I praise that it can be done so well. 

Secondly, it is the magic. I have always loved the idea of magic existing alongside the humdrum of day-to-day life. Those are the best stories, to me. And at times when I felt adolescent and misunderstood and later when I felt sad and I didn't know why, these stories took me to a world that I wanted to believe was true. Now, older and not wiser and as I still attempt life and still make plenty of mistakes, I like to believe and live in the magic of everyday. And when I read Rowling, she still helps me to remember this.

So tell me please... what books made you who you are?

Books chosen by the panel:

Grace Dent: 

The Pursuit of Love - Nancy Mitford

Station Eleven - Emily St. John Mandel

Shami Chakrabarti

To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee

The Biography of Eleanor Marx - Rachel Holmes

Jane Shepherdson

The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath

Union Street - Pat Barker

Aminatta Forna

The  Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood

All God's Children Need Travelling Shoes - Maya Angelou

Polly Vernon

Lace - Shelley Conran

The Signature of All Things - Elizabeth Gilbert

All available in good book shops and online.

#The100DayProject, #100DaysofWriting, Day 15

On Courage

Another poem today. 

Courage 

"Have courage, my dear. Have courage, be brave;"

Words that slip into our psyches from childhood.

Through Disney films and fairytales

And scraped knees in the playground.

"Be brave, be a big girl for me, won’t you."

Fear, fear of the dark

And of monsters under the bed, or in our head.

Scared of characters from books

And dirty looks

From the coolest girl at school.

My sister hated dogs, I ran from clowns.

Still avoid the circus.

I am a big girl now, not scraped my knee in years.

But I’m less brave than I ever was, I think.

Scared of failure, rejection, not knowing what I want.

I run from confrontation, from an altercation.

From dates.

I am scared to feel awkward.

I’d say,

I don’t think I’m brave in any way.

Courage is a word I long for, a lion’s heart.

It’s easier for me to write my deepest thoughts online

Than it is to ask for what I want from someone.

Still scared of the dark and the monsters in my head.

Though unless you live where you fight daily for basic human rights,

Where your fears are hunger, violence, lack of freedom,

Unless you live this.

Unless your life is an extreme obstacle race.

Then facing ourselves is the biggest fear we ever face.

Have courage, my dear. Have courage, be brave;

Walk into the dark and see what’s there,

And love it.

That’s courage.

#The100DayProject, #100Daysof Writing, Day 14

Happy Birthday You Alcoholic, Spendthrift, Chocoholic, Cat-Lover...

Guys, I am cowering my head in shame as I have not posted since this time last WEEK. So much for my #100DaysofWriting. Even with weekends off, which I decided was necessary quite early on, this is still four days of nothing. I am getting back on the horse today with a post that I have been meaning to write for a while on greeting cards.... don't worry, it'll have lots of pics.

---------

Happy Birthday You Alcoholic, Spendthrift, Chocoholic, Cat-Lover...

The other day I went shopping for a birthday card for one of my best friends and left feeling irritated. This is something I have experienced before when hunting for cards. You see in well-stocked card shops and boutiques there is usually a wide variety of cards, many of which blow the stereotype out of the window, but most still reinforce it and in shops with a smaller choice, they all do.

What is this stereotype you may ask?

Here are some "ladies" having lunch... obvs with oodles of shopping bags and wearing ballgowns

According to Greeting Cards, women are shopaholics who only care about looking good and the sensual pleasures in life eg: chocolate, cake and wine. Or cats. Or they think about cock all the time. And they spend lots of money on said chocolate and shopping, but it is always their boyfriend's cash. And they "never have enough to wear", which is like the world's biggest disaster OMFG.

Does this really need a caption? There are some breasts...

Men - according to greeting cards -  men are equivalently obsessed with tits and alcohol (maybe fair in some cases). And football is their shopping and they also enjoy complaining about how their wives and girlfriends spend all their money on shopping and wine etc. But men also have cars, all forms of transport, actually, they tend to favour trains in youth and then cars and boats (not sure how greeting -card woman gets anywhere- perhaps she has to wait for her boyfriend to pick her up in a sports car). Greeting card man also has all the sports that he can play, woman sometimes makes reference to the gym, but usually only in the context of how she'd prefer to have a Sauvignon Blanc. (She is definitely an alcoholic) .

See all women spend ridiculous amounts of money on face cream if it ensures a youthful appearance

Greeting card woman is also very concerned with her age and her lines and how people might think she looks compared to some 18 year old woman. Men are concerned about age too, but mostly because they aren't as good at football and maybe no women will let them stick it in them. They then progress straight to grumpy old man who likes gardening and moaning. Apparently.

Here they are... busy bitching about some wrinkles on some other, older women...

Ahhh a lovely Princess.. with animals dancing about her. That squirrel must be GM... haven't seen a red one in years.

Greeting card woman is also often described as being bossy and high maintenance and always right. Whether these are the only women who receive cards/star in them is unclear. Yes, she is either a bossy cow or a Princess or a Mum.. The Princesses piss me off the most to be honest, they are always wearing bloody pink and they really do nothing except wear crowns...

I spoke to my mother a while back about my frustration with greeting cards and she calmly said... yes but do you know how much these new stereotypes are a step forward from the old ones... She was talking about cards that featured good wives who cooked and often featured a vacuum cleaner as the central excitement. I understood her point.

And by the way, I think the stereotypes in cards are bad for men as well. I like to think that although men may enjoy looking at a large breast/having a beer/watching football, they may wish to be defined by some other facets of their personality on their day of birth. 

Men are extremely simple don't you know...

Anyway, rant over, here are some more of the LOL cards I have discovered.... And if anyone else buys me a card about being a shopaholic who's constantly keeling over from excessive consumption of Rose Pinot and cake, I may scream... Unless... maybe... that's what people think of me. ;)

Another Wino Wendy. So LOL and original.

 

So I forgot how Greeting Card Woman is also really shit at packing and has to take LOADS of suitcases. Probs for all her clothes and shopping and face creams...

HA HA HA. Your daughter is an obese alcoholic who can't read ROFL ROFL

Young Greeting Card Woman (and Man) is often obsessed with WiFi and Gadgets. Apaz also still LOL to sort of hint and domestic abuse...

Aaaah a classic... (read no man in her life, probs wears weird clothes, smells)

Still wrong to be called high-maintenance and demanding. So deny it girls. Get your blow drys in secret. Wear jeans with rips.

Daphne is a lucky bitch who apparently lives in a lovely rural community with fields etc

    

Ah classic dog/bitch joke. Throw in a sausage there... why not...

What a bossy, hysterical woman. Also where is Mr Bossy..

Why would they when women love shopping SO MUCH and spending all their cash. LOL that men love Hawaiian shirts as well.

This is what women think, all the time

#The100DayProject #100DaysofWriting, Day 13 (late)

Ok, I'm Ready...

I think I'm ready now, finally. I have never really been before, but I think I am now because I know what I want and what I don't want. I've made those distinctions.

I've spend time having loveless flirtation and sensual (and not so sensual encounters). I've dated and dismissed many a man (and boy). I've had a few short "relationships". Mostly I've been afraid of it, to be honest, afraid of what somebody else would do to me. 

Maybe it's because I wasn't really sure about myself, whether I like myself all that much, whether I was who I was meant to be. The thought of blind and internet (sorry app- what is this the 00s) dating just sent me into a spin of fear and insecurity that they might reflect back at me the flaws I had already outlined in myself.

I was never one of those people who dated to fill a hole or to feel more secure and steady in a situation, because for me, putting yourself into that vulnerable position of being half of two rather than half of one was not something that settled me. In fact it sent me careering off into outer space, heart thumping head-spinning, ecstatic then anxious, crying with laughter, then just crying. I didn't want this. I wanted a steady ground.

I am ready now, because I've realised what I want and that steadiness often comes from within. I'm ready now because I am happier with who I am.

So if you know anyone...

Kind but not weak. Compassionate, likes animals and nature. Reads, please. Interested in all ideas even if they don't agree with them. Doesn't talk over people who are quieter than them. Respect's people of all ages, sexes, colours, nationalities, backgrounds, creeds, educated or not. Realises we are all the same, WE ARE ALL THE SAME. Can take (and make) a joke. Does not practice bitterness. Loves to laugh, to make others laugh, the moment of laughter. Wants fun in life. Responsible, but not anal. Understands me, lets me be me, even if that is odd. Intelligent, not necessarily academically or bookish, but bright, sparky, interested. Likes talking and listening. Likes long conversations about the world and what it means... but can tug me in and make me feel safe too if I drift off into the stratosphere. Healthy attitude towards mind, body and soul. Appreciates and indulges in the sensual pleasures of life, but does not gorge on them. Smiles at people even if it makes them look stupid. Tactile. Reassuring. Shares their problems. Lets me look after them sometimes. Not scared of their feelings. Quiet, but also loud. Trustworthy and trusting. Has passions and interests. Would be a good father. I want to find him beautiful, but that doesn't mean anyone else needs to. Makes my friends smile and feel warm inside. Interested in my family. Open-minded. Likes the sea and the mountains and travelling. As flawed as humans are. Never thinks he knows it all.

Do you know anyone like that? I don't yet and this list may seem unrealisitc. But I have no stipulations for money or looks or background or anything else. None of that, just these things.

I'm just putting that out there.

#The100DayProject, #100DaysofWriting, #Day12.

Walking

Walking is my thing.

It's the thing that I do when I want to think, when I have problems or worries that I just can't solve. It's almost meditational to me... because generally whatever I''m struggling with works around and around in my head and some sort of solution is thrust forward.

My father takes a long bath whenever he is fussing over a conundrum, I walk.

Walking also helps me to really feel in the moment. To feel small and insignificant and to watch the world work around me, it reminds me that I'm not at the centre of it. The familiar buzz of humanity through towns; the shouting, laughter, irritation seeps through. It earths me. The rolling hills and trees do the same.

It's something about the nature of the rhythm of footsteps perhaps, perhaps they move unknowingly to the beat of your heart, to your breath and make you feel grounded and restful.

I don't know, all I do know is that it soothes me. And I can do it anywhere.

Whatever your soothing ritual is, or however you problem solve, be sure to include it in your daily routine. It is good for your soul, don't you know.

Attempting Adulthood

 

Today's post (a day late, soz) is a poem about Attempting Adulthood and how in your late twenties, everyone is at very different stages... I hope you like it. Please comment, share etc x

Attempting Adulthood

Don't wish your life away,
They say.
Don't wait for weekends and wine.
Be happy and balanced and like life all the time.
Go into Monday meetings with grace and a smile,
Lack of caffeine is not a reason to be hostile.
Make sure you exercise at least three times a week, but don't worry about your weight.
Squat, lunge, downward dog and eat a healthy diet, a colourful plate.
Read all sorts of books to nurture your mind.
Keep up with politics and documentaries. Be kind.
Do some charity work, perhaps.
Don't collapse.
Socialise, see art and plays and watch the news,
Don't overdo the booze.
If you're single,
You must mingle .
On Tinder and Happen and Hinge, Oh My.
You'll certainly find the girl or guy.
If you're not, then keep up with your mates
Inbetween the convos on mortgage rates.
What's your five year plan?
You've lost your tan.
She's lost her phone again, she's gone a bit wild;
Her ex is in Singapore having someone's love-child.
I can't really afford to go out tonight;
They exchange in the next fortnight.
I'm thinking of sacking it all in to go travelling
My life is unravelling...
You're still young-ish... well not old yet
Too old for drugs and student debt.
Tick-tock,
Biological clock.
I'm bored of the city, but I like the culture and food at 3am
When do you ever use them?
I have a cleaner but shop at Asda and Primark.
I won't queue for clubs anymore, but I'm still scared of the dark.
Nothing's solved with drink, aimless spending or a late-night screw.
As the cliche says, just do what's right for you.
**

#The100DayProject #100DaysofWriting, Day 10

On Crushing All Over Taylor Swift

 

So I realised today that I have developed a full on eleven year-old fangirl obsession with Taylor Swift, I am literally obsessed with everything she does and everybody she hangs out with and I am sure it is NOT NORMAL for somebody my age. The thing is she's just so cool and so supportive of woman and lovely and wonderfully dressed and yet she is also a bit of a - what the Americans would call - a dork. I'd say a loser, geek or weirdo. If we're talking a American Pie / Mean Girls world here, she's definitely not the cheerleader, she's the band geek or the art freak. And that I think is why I love her, because she's interesting and slightly odd as well as having super cool clothes, great songwriting skills and a crew of BFFs that I would kill to hangout with. As a fellow former loserish kid who liked learning, I can feel it. So it's ok to be in your late-twenties and love her... Right?

Here's some of evidence of why I do

1) Clothes

Ok, the girl can dress, but she couldn't always. Back in the early days of T, it was all Cinderella white lace and little house on the praire and all a bit "Y'all coming to milk the cows on the farm and then Jim-Bob's taking me to thr prom..". Now, though she's found her groove and she's ice cool without having to be "LOOK AT ME" which so many other female celebrities are. 

Also, she doesn't have a tendency to carefully curate her cleavage or let her arse enter first which other young women do (not that I am against this, gurl can do what she wants). But I like the fact that Taylor turns heads without needing to compete for nudity levels.. except those famous legs of course (see below).

2) Songs

Look, I'm a fan of Country music, so I've pretty much liked all her albums but 1989 is just so good. So catchy and with clever lyrics. I mean the tumblr generation freak out about them, because they feel like she is WRITING THEIR LIVES OMFG, and isn't that what the best songwriters do. 

Even my 21-year-old DJ brother admits to thinking it's "a really great pop album"... Watch out for the upcoming premiere of the video for new single Bad Blood, which features many of her equally rad BFFs Cara, Ellie, Lena et al.. speaking of which...

3) Her Woman Crew (& Ed)

Taylor's friendship circle causes me to feel 80% "Go Women" and 20% seething jealousy that I will never get to hang out with them. From supermodels like Karlie Kloss and Cara Delevingne to other popbaes like Ellie Goulding and Lorde, to my idol Lena Dunham and loads of Americans that I know vaguely from reading Sugarscape (sue me). She seems to be constantly hanging out with achingly successful young women. And it seems it is often she who extends the hand of friendship through fangirling over them herself, with no need for a "cool" face on it. And who wouldn't want to be her friend tbh, who wouldn't want to be part of that kind of ambitious, supportive, whirpool of women power where everyone is -like- free to be themselves -you know.. 

Plus there's the fact she's got Mr Sheeran - the nicest and most talented man in Britain (and the world probs) on speed dial as her best man-friend. (I'm mean I'm hoping they'll get married tbh)

4) She's So Bloody Nice

Taylor's treatment of her fan's is legendary, from throwing pre-album launch parties to "Swiftmas" to surprising them out of the blue. She also was also named the "Most Charitable Celeb" of 2014 by DoSomething.Org for her work for feminist causes and New York City public schools. She has, as Glamour recently wrote, made Nice cool again.. and thank goodness for that.

5) Legs

She has the most enviable legs in the business. Full stop. And she's over 5'10, which is so refreshing in the celeb land of minature people.

6) Her List of Ex-boyfriends and How She "Deals" When it's Over

I really don't think women should be judged by who or how many people they date. However, Taylor's got an enviable list of exes and the fact that her relationships with famous men are splashed all over the papers and then when the relationship ends, the lovely media seem to relish in her heartbreak is part of her journey. This is because of how she deals with it, rarely mentioning it in interviews and instead pouring it out in her songs, which to be honest is how we'd all like to get over relationships if we could isn't it... purge the issues and all. Her song "Shake it Off" says it all really, "I go on too many dates, but I can't make 'em stay.. At least that's what people say mmm, that's what people say mmm." People are currently saying that she's dating super star DJ Calvin Harris. Good luck to them; it takes a real good man to keep up with her.

7) Haters Gonna Hate

A lot of people seem to hate Taylor online and off and she has dealt with any hate in the most decourous and graceful manner. She has even recently made up with Kanye West after he stormed the stage at the 2009 Grammy's to claim Beyonce deserved the award and not her. When Lorde called her "too perfect" in an interview, she proceeded to make her her best friend.

Mostly she says, she avoids reading most things that are written about her, because it is not said by her fans and it is not relevant to her life.

"The little I am exposed to hurts my feelings. The only things I can really control are my songs and my behavior. The rest? If I focused on it, that would lead to insanity."

8) Business Woman

Nobody should underestimate Taylor, for all the sweet words and the niceness and the cats, she is one of the most successful women in the world right now. She is a steely business woman, but she has done it without trampling all over other people, another score for feminism, she is destroying the belief that women must fit into the patriarchal definition of success to make it.

Her net worth is estimated at $200 million dollars. She has made shrewd moves like not only copyrighting her entire lyrics but also key phrases in her songs like "this sick beat". Her music is not available through free-streaming powerhouse Spotify as she believes it is unfair on the musicians and artists who make the music to give it away. When her record label were unsure about her making a pop record, she went ahead an made 1989 anyway, because it was what she wanted to do. She is also a social media powerhouse. She has cultivated her own brand and her own business and stayed true tp herself whilst doing it. (*high five emojis).

9) She's a bit of a "Loser" Really

Another example of staying true to herself is that she doesn't try to look cool or change her natural enthusisasm for life in order to fit in to some sexy-starlet stereotype. Half her instagram feed is videos of her cats.Of course she is a beautiful, successful woman and that brings with it a certain status, but she is always willing to be the geek.

She loves cooking and making things and staying in and she has never been pictued falling out of a club. There's no whiff of drug or alcohol rumours and she loves her Mum, who prior to her recent Cancer diagnosis has been on every tour with her. The thing is with Taylor, she's not anti-cool, she's just made it cool to be nice, to be inclusive, to support others, to love a lot and to have an open heart. And this most of all, is why I bloody love the girl. If only we were all this wise at 25.

"Well, I just don't place much priority on looking cool, and I think at 25, I'm finally OK with feeling that. I've said this before. I think there's this priority on having this persona of being edgy or cool or bored. And those things are all sexy. All those things are chic, when you seem not to care about anything other than yourself. And I just don't buy into it. I'm really excited by lots of things. I think enthusiasm is the best protection. It can protect you from anything. And I don't feel bored by any of this, so I don't strive to look bored by any of this." (c) Glamour 2015

Day 8 of #The100DayProject #100DaysofWriting

None of the photos are mine.