On Crushing All Over Taylor Swift

 

So I realised today that I have developed a full on eleven year-old fangirl obsession with Taylor Swift, I am literally obsessed with everything she does and everybody she hangs out with and I am sure it is NOT NORMAL for somebody my age. The thing is she's just so cool and so supportive of woman and lovely and wonderfully dressed and yet she is also a bit of a - what the Americans would call - a dork. I'd say a loser, geek or weirdo. If we're talking a American Pie / Mean Girls world here, she's definitely not the cheerleader, she's the band geek or the art freak. And that I think is why I love her, because she's interesting and slightly odd as well as having super cool clothes, great songwriting skills and a crew of BFFs that I would kill to hangout with. As a fellow former loserish kid who liked learning, I can feel it. So it's ok to be in your late-twenties and love her... Right?

Here's some of evidence of why I do

1) Clothes

Ok, the girl can dress, but she couldn't always. Back in the early days of T, it was all Cinderella white lace and little house on the praire and all a bit "Y'all coming to milk the cows on the farm and then Jim-Bob's taking me to thr prom..". Now, though she's found her groove and she's ice cool without having to be "LOOK AT ME" which so many other female celebrities are. 

Also, she doesn't have a tendency to carefully curate her cleavage or let her arse enter first which other young women do (not that I am against this, gurl can do what she wants). But I like the fact that Taylor turns heads without needing to compete for nudity levels.. except those famous legs of course (see below).

2) Songs

Look, I'm a fan of Country music, so I've pretty much liked all her albums but 1989 is just so good. So catchy and with clever lyrics. I mean the tumblr generation freak out about them, because they feel like she is WRITING THEIR LIVES OMFG, and isn't that what the best songwriters do. 

Even my 21-year-old DJ brother admits to thinking it's "a really great pop album"... Watch out for the upcoming premiere of the video for new single Bad Blood, which features many of her equally rad BFFs Cara, Ellie, Lena et al.. speaking of which...

3) Her Woman Crew (& Ed)

Taylor's friendship circle causes me to feel 80% "Go Women" and 20% seething jealousy that I will never get to hang out with them. From supermodels like Karlie Kloss and Cara Delevingne to other popbaes like Ellie Goulding and Lorde, to my idol Lena Dunham and loads of Americans that I know vaguely from reading Sugarscape (sue me). She seems to be constantly hanging out with achingly successful young women. And it seems it is often she who extends the hand of friendship through fangirling over them herself, with no need for a "cool" face on it. And who wouldn't want to be her friend tbh, who wouldn't want to be part of that kind of ambitious, supportive, whirpool of women power where everyone is -like- free to be themselves -you know.. 

Plus there's the fact she's got Mr Sheeran - the nicest and most talented man in Britain (and the world probs) on speed dial as her best man-friend. (I'm mean I'm hoping they'll get married tbh)

4) She's So Bloody Nice

Taylor's treatment of her fan's is legendary, from throwing pre-album launch parties to "Swiftmas" to surprising them out of the blue. She also was also named the "Most Charitable Celeb" of 2014 by DoSomething.Org for her work for feminist causes and New York City public schools. She has, as Glamour recently wrote, made Nice cool again.. and thank goodness for that.

5) Legs

She has the most enviable legs in the business. Full stop. And she's over 5'10, which is so refreshing in the celeb land of minature people.

6) Her List of Ex-boyfriends and How She "Deals" When it's Over

I really don't think women should be judged by who or how many people they date. However, Taylor's got an enviable list of exes and the fact that her relationships with famous men are splashed all over the papers and then when the relationship ends, the lovely media seem to relish in her heartbreak is part of her journey. This is because of how she deals with it, rarely mentioning it in interviews and instead pouring it out in her songs, which to be honest is how we'd all like to get over relationships if we could isn't it... purge the issues and all. Her song "Shake it Off" says it all really, "I go on too many dates, but I can't make 'em stay.. At least that's what people say mmm, that's what people say mmm." People are currently saying that she's dating super star DJ Calvin Harris. Good luck to them; it takes a real good man to keep up with her.

7) Haters Gonna Hate

A lot of people seem to hate Taylor online and off and she has dealt with any hate in the most decourous and graceful manner. She has even recently made up with Kanye West after he stormed the stage at the 2009 Grammy's to claim Beyonce deserved the award and not her. When Lorde called her "too perfect" in an interview, she proceeded to make her her best friend.

Mostly she says, she avoids reading most things that are written about her, because it is not said by her fans and it is not relevant to her life.

"The little I am exposed to hurts my feelings. The only things I can really control are my songs and my behavior. The rest? If I focused on it, that would lead to insanity."

8) Business Woman

Nobody should underestimate Taylor, for all the sweet words and the niceness and the cats, she is one of the most successful women in the world right now. She is a steely business woman, but she has done it without trampling all over other people, another score for feminism, she is destroying the belief that women must fit into the patriarchal definition of success to make it.

Her net worth is estimated at $200 million dollars. She has made shrewd moves like not only copyrighting her entire lyrics but also key phrases in her songs like "this sick beat". Her music is not available through free-streaming powerhouse Spotify as she believes it is unfair on the musicians and artists who make the music to give it away. When her record label were unsure about her making a pop record, she went ahead an made 1989 anyway, because it was what she wanted to do. She is also a social media powerhouse. She has cultivated her own brand and her own business and stayed true tp herself whilst doing it. (*high five emojis).

9) She's a bit of a "Loser" Really

Another example of staying true to herself is that she doesn't try to look cool or change her natural enthusisasm for life in order to fit in to some sexy-starlet stereotype. Half her instagram feed is videos of her cats.Of course she is a beautiful, successful woman and that brings with it a certain status, but she is always willing to be the geek.

She loves cooking and making things and staying in and she has never been pictued falling out of a club. There's no whiff of drug or alcohol rumours and she loves her Mum, who prior to her recent Cancer diagnosis has been on every tour with her. The thing is with Taylor, she's not anti-cool, she's just made it cool to be nice, to be inclusive, to support others, to love a lot and to have an open heart. And this most of all, is why I bloody love the girl. If only we were all this wise at 25.

"Well, I just don't place much priority on looking cool, and I think at 25, I'm finally OK with feeling that. I've said this before. I think there's this priority on having this persona of being edgy or cool or bored. And those things are all sexy. All those things are chic, when you seem not to care about anything other than yourself. And I just don't buy into it. I'm really excited by lots of things. I think enthusiasm is the best protection. It can protect you from anything. And I don't feel bored by any of this, so I don't strive to look bored by any of this." (c) Glamour 2015

Day 8 of #The100DayProject #100DaysofWriting

None of the photos are mine.

Mean, Mean Girl: Lessons Learnt

Two weeks ago was the tenth anniversary of Mean Girls, a film which defined my late teenage years. I remember seeing it in the cinema and laughing out loud at the aptness of the observations and admiring Tina Fey's fearless humour. I don't remember anyone saying vagina in a teen movie before. Lohan was pre-rehab and Rachel McAdams had yet to be obsessed over by Ryan Gosling (who was he), no one knew Amanda Seyfried could sing. 

At our final school "prom"  when some friends and I were escaping from the five boys that had turned up (#allgirlsschoolproblems) and having a cheeky cigarette on a bench outside, I remember a girl from our year coming up to my two friends and I and saying after a while "You guys are kind of like the mean girls". 

I took this as a massive compliment. Who wouldn't want to be likened to those sophisticated American, follicly-gifted stuff of teenage dreams. In fact I don't think she was trying to mean.. And I don't think I was that much of a bitch at school. The truth though is that I loved been likened to attractive and popular girls, because despite my above-average conscience for a teenager, those things are what I strived for. I would have a very different attitude if someone said that to me now. I just don't want to be a Mean Girl any more, however much I might try and get down with the youth by talking about "ma bitches", on social media.

In reality, my generation learnt and in some cases (age 28), could still learn a lot from the truths of Mean Girls and this is perhaps why, it has stood the test of time unlike so many other "teen movies".

Here are the lessons that I learned:

1) "Calling somebody else fat won't make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn't make you any smarter. And ruining Regina George's life definitely didn't make me any happier. All you can do in life is try to solve the problem in front of you."

An early lesson for me... in fact one that, without sounding sanctimonious, I never really needed to learn. Perhaps this was because between the ages of 13-15, I was a full-blown geek/loser. I liked to read, I liked to do well at school revelling in the praise and the As. 

Reaping the usual teasing from this, I knew I never wanted to make anyone else feel like that. Why would berating and bullying others make you feel better about yourself. It is a quick fix that leaves one sick and regretful and possibly more insecure once the buzz wears off. This however is still a common tactic employed by the world over and the media in particular, mostly towards women. 

We need to solve our own internal problems, not try to drag others down to the lowness we may be feeling inside.

2) "Janis: [reading list the major cliques in high school] You got your freshmen, ROTC guys, preps, J.V. jocks, Asian nerds, Cool Asians, Varsity jocks Unfriendly black hotties, Girls who eat their feelings, Girls who don't eat anything, Desperate wannabes, Burnouts, Sexually active band geeks,

[a picture of herself and Damian come on screen]

Janis: the greatest people you will ever meet, and the worst. Beware of the plastics."

There are always cliques, though perhaps less pronounced than at the archetypal movie-version of an American high school and there are always mean girls.

Just remember, the only person who can really define you is yourself. Some people are always going to place a ring around your neck and label you as "xxxx", whether that is good or bad, but you know the truth. Avoid the mean girls if you can, but more importantly, respect who you are and what you stand for and you'll be fine. 

3) "Ex-boyfriends are off-limits to friends. That’s just, like, the rules of feminism.” 

Interesting definition of feminism aside, this is about honesty when it comes to men and women. Relationship are hard enough without worrying that one of your "friends" is going to make it harder. Having said that I don't believe that if you have let some one go to fly off into the universe without any issues that you should ban them from any relationships with your friends or acquaintances. However we should always be mindful of others and honest from the beginning. This way drama and hurt is usually avoided.

If you have no interest in someone anymore, don't stop them from being happy with another. On the otherside, don't assume someone is fine with you moving in on their ex without asking them. Basically this is another treat others how you would like to be treated, respect people. Weirdness will pass.

4) "There are two kinds of evil people in this world. Those who do evil stuff and those who see evil stuff being done and don’t try to stop it.”

I was not brave as a teenager, I struggled enough to stand up for myself, having been haunted by a few years of being branded a geek, so when I eventually emerged from it, my whole being burned to be popular and accepted and so I avoided any confrontation. I was never the bully, but sometimes I ignored "mean girl" behaviour from people I was dying to impress. Nowadays this won't sit with me and I'm actually far more likely to defend someone treating another badly than myself even if that means saying something uncomfortable to somebody I love.Essentially this is also a selfish behaviour as I feel restless and upset if somebody I know is behaving in a way that I feel is cruel or unfair to another.

This is not an excuse to barge into anyone's business mind you, in a busybody fashion a la half the cast of Made in Chelsea, it is merely about listening to yourself and speaking up for what you know is right. This happens at work, in our social groups and in world issues. 

Note the famous Martin Niemöller quote re: the ride of Nazism and the German intellectuals who ignored so much:

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out-- Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out-- Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out-- Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me--and there was no one left to speak for me.

God Mean Girls is so intellectual.

5) "On Wednesdays we wear pink"

Don't ever feel you should wear something just because everyone else does. With my sizeable arse, I should never have worn Bolts (that's a noughties reference - they are basically massive men's mechanic jeans which one would tie chains to) for example. Nowadays I stick to this... eg you will never see me in a drop waist dress, no matter how pretty they are... They are made for the more boyish of figure ;) 

6) "I know having a boyfriend might seem like the only thing important to you right now, but you don't have to dumb yourself down in order for a guy to like you." 

As a teenager, I really couldn't talk to men (boys!) at all, I'd simply smile and stay quiet until I'd had enough cheap white wine that I might pluck up the courage to flutter my eyelashes enough that one might tongue me for an hour before I had to catch the last train home.

I'd like to think that at the ripe old age I am now, that everyone should know this, but I'm not so sure. I couldn't act "dumb blonde" anyway these days as I'm far too loud and opinonated and I couldn't shut up enought for a man who wanted a pretty ornament.

I also often refer to this article Give it up Giggly by the talented Sam Leith in Tatler, he writes:

"They are appealing to a masculinity that finds the prospect of female independence scary. The personality she contrives to display is all about him: she's there to adore him, to be completed by him, to orbit him like a giggling pink satellite...Yet, as I say, simpering still works on feeble-minded men. So, ladies, if that's the sort of man you hope to hook, knock yourselves out." 

Personally, I don't want a feeble-minded man and I'd rather be alone forever than act dumb to score one of them.

7)  "Well, I don't know who wrote this book, but you all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it ok for guys to call you sluts and whores."

I didn't comprehend the importance of this as a teenager. Calling someone a slut was a term of enderament or a jealous dig at someone who had probably had sex a couple of times when you were still a virgin. Again the all-girls boarding school didn't allow for any real "sluts".

Now I understand it as really being about the way that the entire world views women and trying to alter this with our own language. We shouldn't slut-shame or judge others or use derogatory language just because we may be having a jealous moment. If we do not know or care about the person involved then there's no need and we have no right to judge, if it is an acquaintance or god forbid a friend that we are calling this... we ought to accept that they are allowed to live their live however makes them happy even if we do not agree. And who makes you queen of the world. If they are not happy we should try to help them be happy. Walking around calling other women sluts, whores, bitches etc just affirms the ages-old female stereotypes that we work hard everyday to dispel. Think about it.

8) “Don't let the haters stop you from doing your thang."

Aside from the fact that Kevin G is a complete cult figure for the mean girl generation, along with the legendary Glen Coco, this final quote could be the most important. 

Teenagers are so led by disapproval, insecurity and the crowd mentaility. You have to learn that in life, not everyone is going to approve of you or help you or like you. Accept that. There will be those who criticise and mock and sabotage, get over it and get on with your path. Don't be a hater yourself either, don't be jealous or bitter or condescending.. move forward with your own life.

There will always be mean girls in the world.. and the ones that won't change will just get older and meaner and more bitter, so just breathe and ignore. You'll get further and be happier than they ever will.