My Salcombe

I have been going to Salcombe with one of my favourite family's in the world for 12 years, since I was 17. It is a ritual, a part of my summer and always, ALWAYS a good time... 

When we were in our teens and early twenties, me and my best friend shamelessly ogled the Salcombe Boat Hire boys with their bleached hair and sea tans, dying inside if they so much as looked our way. Days were spent in head-to-toe Jack Wills on the beach and buying underage ciders from the handsome barmen at The Ferry Inn. It is a teenager's playground in the summer, a chance to flirt and stay out late in one of the safest places you can be. Early mornings were spent in the local club - Fusion it used to be called - in nearby Kingsbridge where we danced to cheesy music and counted out our pounds for WKDs, before returning back to Salcombe on the coach at 3am.

Twelve years later and I still love it... Our collective group of early twenties - early thirties plus some of the older generation now tends to take up two properties and has entranced numerous newbies throughout the years. We also have a few routine activities which we partake in every year and places where we visit and as I've just come back from a weeks holiday, I thought I would do a post with a few tips. So here's my Salcombe guide... (please note this is not a guide for young kids as we don't happened to have had any of those yet - so if you do this may not be the guide for you...)

Happy Birthday You Alcoholic, Spendthrift, Chocoholic, Cat-Lover...

Guys, I am cowering my head in shame as I have not posted since this time last WEEK. So much for my #100DaysofWriting. Even with weekends off, which I decided was necessary quite early on, this is still four days of nothing. I am getting back on the horse today with a post that I have been meaning to write for a while on greeting cards.... don't worry, it'll have lots of pics.

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Happy Birthday You Alcoholic, Spendthrift, Chocoholic, Cat-Lover...

The other day I went shopping for a birthday card for one of my best friends and left feeling irritated. This is something I have experienced before when hunting for cards. You see in well-stocked card shops and boutiques there is usually a wide variety of cards, many of which blow the stereotype out of the window, but most still reinforce it and in shops with a smaller choice, they all do.

What is this stereotype you may ask?

Here are some "ladies" having lunch... obvs with oodles of shopping bags and wearing ballgowns

According to Greeting Cards, women are shopaholics who only care about looking good and the sensual pleasures in life eg: chocolate, cake and wine. Or cats. Or they think about cock all the time. And they spend lots of money on said chocolate and shopping, but it is always their boyfriend's cash. And they "never have enough to wear", which is like the world's biggest disaster OMFG.

Does this really need a caption? There are some breasts...

Men - according to greeting cards -  men are equivalently obsessed with tits and alcohol (maybe fair in some cases). And football is their shopping and they also enjoy complaining about how their wives and girlfriends spend all their money on shopping and wine etc. But men also have cars, all forms of transport, actually, they tend to favour trains in youth and then cars and boats (not sure how greeting -card woman gets anywhere- perhaps she has to wait for her boyfriend to pick her up in a sports car). Greeting card man also has all the sports that he can play, woman sometimes makes reference to the gym, but usually only in the context of how she'd prefer to have a Sauvignon Blanc. (She is definitely an alcoholic) .

See all women spend ridiculous amounts of money on face cream if it ensures a youthful appearance

Greeting card woman is also very concerned with her age and her lines and how people might think she looks compared to some 18 year old woman. Men are concerned about age too, but mostly because they aren't as good at football and maybe no women will let them stick it in them. They then progress straight to grumpy old man who likes gardening and moaning. Apparently.

Here they are... busy bitching about some wrinkles on some other, older women...

Ahhh a lovely Princess.. with animals dancing about her. That squirrel must be GM... haven't seen a red one in years.

Greeting card woman is also often described as being bossy and high maintenance and always right. Whether these are the only women who receive cards/star in them is unclear. Yes, she is either a bossy cow or a Princess or a Mum.. The Princesses piss me off the most to be honest, they are always wearing bloody pink and they really do nothing except wear crowns...

I spoke to my mother a while back about my frustration with greeting cards and she calmly said... yes but do you know how much these new stereotypes are a step forward from the old ones... She was talking about cards that featured good wives who cooked and often featured a vacuum cleaner as the central excitement. I understood her point.

And by the way, I think the stereotypes in cards are bad for men as well. I like to think that although men may enjoy looking at a large breast/having a beer/watching football, they may wish to be defined by some other facets of their personality on their day of birth. 

Men are extremely simple don't you know...

Anyway, rant over, here are some more of the LOL cards I have discovered.... And if anyone else buys me a card about being a shopaholic who's constantly keeling over from excessive consumption of Rose Pinot and cake, I may scream... Unless... maybe... that's what people think of me. ;)

Another Wino Wendy. So LOL and original.

 

So I forgot how Greeting Card Woman is also really shit at packing and has to take LOADS of suitcases. Probs for all her clothes and shopping and face creams...

HA HA HA. Your daughter is an obese alcoholic who can't read ROFL ROFL

Young Greeting Card Woman (and Man) is often obsessed with WiFi and Gadgets. Apaz also still LOL to sort of hint and domestic abuse...

Aaaah a classic... (read no man in her life, probs wears weird clothes, smells)

Still wrong to be called high-maintenance and demanding. So deny it girls. Get your blow drys in secret. Wear jeans with rips.

Daphne is a lucky bitch who apparently lives in a lovely rural community with fields etc

    

Ah classic dog/bitch joke. Throw in a sausage there... why not...

What a bossy, hysterical woman. Also where is Mr Bossy..

Why would they when women love shopping SO MUCH and spending all their cash. LOL that men love Hawaiian shirts as well.

This is what women think, all the time

#The100DayProject #100DaysofWriting, Day 13 (late)

Attempting Adulthood

 

Today's post (a day late, soz) is a poem about Attempting Adulthood and how in your late twenties, everyone is at very different stages... I hope you like it. Please comment, share etc x

Attempting Adulthood

Don't wish your life away,
They say.
Don't wait for weekends and wine.
Be happy and balanced and like life all the time.
Go into Monday meetings with grace and a smile,
Lack of caffeine is not a reason to be hostile.
Make sure you exercise at least three times a week, but don't worry about your weight.
Squat, lunge, downward dog and eat a healthy diet, a colourful plate.
Read all sorts of books to nurture your mind.
Keep up with politics and documentaries. Be kind.
Do some charity work, perhaps.
Don't collapse.
Socialise, see art and plays and watch the news,
Don't overdo the booze.
If you're single,
You must mingle .
On Tinder and Happen and Hinge, Oh My.
You'll certainly find the girl or guy.
If you're not, then keep up with your mates
Inbetween the convos on mortgage rates.
What's your five year plan?
You've lost your tan.
She's lost her phone again, she's gone a bit wild;
Her ex is in Singapore having someone's love-child.
I can't really afford to go out tonight;
They exchange in the next fortnight.
I'm thinking of sacking it all in to go travelling
My life is unravelling...
You're still young-ish... well not old yet
Too old for drugs and student debt.
Tick-tock,
Biological clock.
I'm bored of the city, but I like the culture and food at 3am
When do you ever use them?
I have a cleaner but shop at Asda and Primark.
I won't queue for clubs anymore, but I'm still scared of the dark.
Nothing's solved with drink, aimless spending or a late-night screw.
As the cliche says, just do what's right for you.
**

#The100DayProject #100DaysofWriting, Day 10

Desperately Seeking Banksy: Part One

 

About six months ago, I bought the Banksy London App on my iPhone for the princely sum of £1.99 with the full intention of channelling my outer (not inner) mainstream-graffiti-artist-loving self and challenging said self to walk around and see every single one. 

Because they're in the city that I live in and because it's important to break up the bed-tube-international coffee chain-office-pub-bed routine that we commuters all indulge in; whilst ignoring fabulous, touristy, sparkly London. 

Sometimes in life you just gotta take a deep breath and get out at Piccadilly Circus, ignore the cringe, buy a paper day travel card and stand stationary in the middle of Oxford Street. Go on, I dare you.

Plus the reason I love Banksy is that he is challenging and subversive and satirical, whilst still being popular. So it's OK to be a little touristy right.. 

July Lust List

It is summer and so I shouldn't really think about shopping, more about sunning and lying and reading. Why do more people not have outside beds? Anyway, this is a new series - the monthly Lust List. Basically, just things I want... a wide variety of things really.. Here we go

England, My Profoundly Bizarre Place

Last Wednesday was St George's day and despite being a proud, patriotic (3/4) English woman, I wasn't aware of it until I went on Twitter at 9am. It was also Shakespeare's 450th birthday, a fact I was more aware of due to the million e-mail newsletters I receive from theatres and cultural blogs everyday. A proud day for England some might say.

Yet, this year, as every year I couldn't help but think about the lack of energy surrounding St George's day. Sure there are celebrations going on.. Apparently there was a parade.. but does anyone really care about this day of Englishness? Compared with the international celebrations that St Patrick's Day brings and the intensely patriotic celebrations of the 4th July in the USA and apparently (according to the Dutch intern in my office) Kingsday in Holland among many others, St George's day barely resonates in England.

To be honest, I'm not sure why it is. Perhaps St George's cross has been hijacked too many times by far-right fascist, sexist arseholes hell-bent on narrow-minded, misinformed destruction. Perhaps the English still harbour guilt over years of oppression of the empire. Whatever it is, we're not really allowed to be English anymore. 

It's not that I'm not proud of being British, I am. My blood is a quarter Irish with streaks of Scots and I've Welsh relatives, but I've been brought up in England. My grandparents hail from Newcastle and Manchester as well as Dublin. My father is a born and bred Saarrff-Londoner and my mother grew-up in Surrey, as did I. 

I'm proud of being English as well as British and I think we should be. So I thought I'd round up my 11 reasons I'm happy to be English today and what we should cherish and celebrate. 

1) Accents

Is there a place that per square mile has as many different, strange accents as England? From Geordie to Sarf-London, from Manc to middlesborough to the West-Country. From Cockney to Scouse to Yorkshire. I love it and I love them all.

2) Music 

The quote in the title of this post was from Gene Simmons, of Kiss, an American who said:   

"England is a profoundly bizarre place that has produced thousands of bands the world has worshipped."

This is something we continue to do. Producing an eclectic mix of great music, talented musicians, internationally adored bands and fantastic producers and DJs. All with that hint of humour behind them that is ever-present in English culture. 

Glastonbury is still the best festival in the world.. despite Coachella's posy pretension and fucking sunshine ALL THE TIME. In 2012 four out of the top five best-selling albums in the US were British (English actually except Niall from 1D). I'm not saying you have to love all our exports, but appreciate what the country can do.

3) Sports

Yeah we never win the football, yet still we soldier on believing . The English invented many games that they are now rubbish at. Yet still we back our own, still we stoutly support sports that we would generally never watch or understand if our own are doing well.

We celebrate very Englishly too, quick celebration, the pub and back to work the next day. Not like other countries I could mention...

Recently the Olympics has been our greatest achievement, the (British-I-know) team and the great English city of London showed the world. However one of the best days of my life involved Johnny Wilkinson and the England Team against Oz, a fabulous drop-kick in extra-time, all on one miserable November day in 2003.

I went to a very good party the evening of this match back when I was 17.. I remember we worried for weeks that if England lost, no boys would come and we'd be left drinking Breezers and snogging each other. Luckily it ended up being a night to remember and one of my friends even lost her virginity; poor lad was full of beer and emotion and dear sweet Johnny, so she got rogered against a garden shed... it was like the summer of love all over again.

4) Fashion

I just love the creativity of the English with their fashion. I love how they are not scared to look a little scruffy around the edges. We're not as chic as the French or Italians, we're not as glowy and blowy as the Americans, we're not afraid to clash or dress something up or down or layer or over accesorise.

Also, every town in England has a slightly different style and I love that and I love noticing it as I travel.

I love our designers best of all. If I could live in Williamson, Dame Westwood and Burberry, I'd be fine. Throw in some Hunter Wellies, M&S, Sweaty Betty and Topshop and a a lot of Vintage and who needs anything else. And yes, I do mean all together.

5) Laugh English

I altered this myself.. The English humour is the BEST. Will never be beaten. Look at comedy, look at literature. Look at our attitude towards life. All with a pinch of salt and a derogatory comment or a harmless joke. Love this.

6) Blitz Spirit/English Attitude

I really don't need to write much for this... it's the small things and the large. Call it what you will, if you find the Blitz spirit thing too much of a cliche.. It's putting ones head down and getting on with it, cracking a joke here and there, supporting others without asking for any reward. Sometimes we think we've lost it, but it's always lingering under the service there.. ready for use.

7) "A Nation of Shopkeepers"

The origin of this phrase is a little misleading as thought it is always Napoleon who is quoted:

"L'Angleterre est une nation de boutiquiers."

Belittling the English in one fail swoop with his dismissal of our commercial-based power. He believed the English would be weak in the war as they had no land power, only naval and commerce. However, it was in fact used first by Scottish philosopher and economist, Adam Smith, often sited as being "the father of modern economics", he extolled the virtues of the free market.

Either way, it is in this I am proud, we are resourceful and entrepreneurial and we like to buy and sell things... it is what we are good at. From little village shops, to great department stores to international brands and web based retailers. I am not saying that a completely commercial world is a great thing, but this need to consume and sell and find another little niche is just so English. It does upset me when I see great chains destroying village high streets, but we need those as well. Again, it is the attitude.

8) English Country Garden (and Village)

Idealised in the Victorian period when the cities finally overtook the countryside in terms of population in Britain, an English Country Garden became the rural idyll for town folk. Nowadays we still love the picture of England's green and pleasant land in our heads, even though that is rarely what we see.

Similarly with village life, we love the idea of the English village full of strange people and their dogs. Broadcast has covered it since it started, from the Archers to the Vicar of Dibley to the Great British Bake-off.

I love this about England, love the ideal of it even if it's not true. Love a village and a garden.

9) Travel

Sir Ranulph Fiennes, one of England's Finest Explorers

We may not bother to learn any other languages as we simply assume that English is spoken the world over, but we do know how to travel and we are good at it. (Brits Abroad not withstanding). Travel broadens the mind and as we live on a very small island it is important that we do this. We have forever, not always with the best results.. but we're better at it now. You can't be proud of your own nationality if you don't go and see others and see what's great about theirs too. And no, most of Spain's beach resorts in the summer-holidays do not count as a trip abroad.

At the least travel round Great Britain and see all the wonderful places there are to see.. yeah

10) Literature and Poetry

Sure we're the nation of Shakespeare and Byron and Keats, Dickens and Mary Shelley, Austen and the Brontes. However, our modern offering is just as impressive: Abi Morgan, Hilary Mantel, Mendelson, Ishiguro and McEwan. It's an endless list. 

A pride in both the past, present and tentative future of our writers and poets is still very much part of our heritage.

If I should die, think only this of me:
That there’s some corner of a foreign field
That is forever England. There shall be
In that rich earth a richer dust concealed;
A dust whom England bore, shaped, made aware,
Gave, once, her flowers to love, her ways to roam,
A body of England’s, breathing English air,
Washed by the rivers, blest by suns of home.

From: The Soldier - Rupert Brooke

Hurrying to catch my Comet

One dark November day,Which soon would snatch me from itTo the sunshine of Bombay,I pondered pages BerkeleyNot three weeks since had heard,Perceiving Chatto darklyThrough the mirror of the Third.

Had made my taxi late,
Yet not till I was airborne
Did I recall the date -
The day when Queen and Minister
And Band of Guards and all
Still act their solemn-sinister
Wreath-rubbish in Whitehall.
These mawkish, nursery games:
O When will England grow up?

Crowds, colourless and careworn
It used to make me throw up,

 From: Naturally the Foundation will Bear Your Expenses - Philip Larkin

11) Art and Expression

Just do it. Most of all what I love about England is its ability to move forward and adapt and enjoy the times. We begrudgingly moan for a minute and then embrace a new culture, just like that and our Englishness is about embracing the subcultures and the new creative movements and celebrating the diversity. We've always been a small country that has filtered our experiences of the world and its people into our own ethos.

And that's it my little eccentric English friends and others... love England being English and British and I love the world... 

Please note as well... these are my prides.. yours could be totally different...

All images are not (c) me - except a couple of Instagram ones

Fashion on Friday: Coated in Spring

So spring is here and spring means sun shining and the light is brighter but there's still a chill in the air. So a girl needs a good spring coat...

Here are my coatspirations this season..

And here are a few I've got my eye on with price and links to shop online:

Jacquard Coat with Pockets, ZARA, £89.99

Yummy, yummy jacquard

Mac in Oversize Drape, ASOS, £75.00

Little White Lies Daisy Lace Hooded Kimono Jacket,  Urban Outfitters, £75.00

So technically that little lacy slip of a number isn't what you'd call a coat.

Fabric Coat with Zip, ZARA, £99.99

You've got to have a white one...

Skater Mac, ASOS, £60.00

This red wine number is my favourite of all

Denim Stripe Mac, ASOS, £55.00

Stripes and Denim. Please.

Beige Jacquard Coat, Hoss Intropia, £289.00 £144.00

Bargain...

Wool Coat, ZARA, £69.99

Tango me nowwwwwwww

Bleach Borg Western Jacket, Topshop, £58.00

Indigo Borg Lined Jacket, Topshop, £58.00

Double Denim...

Cotton Blend Coat, Red Valentino, £640.00

Check out that flick

Britta Leopard-Jacquard Coat, DVF, £710.00

Gotta have me some leopard...

Pique Coat, ZARA, £79.99

Lastly, bring me some sunshine...

So coat yourself and enjoy spring...

Where Do You Go to My Lovely... Vintage Home Shopping

A little pop-up vintage shop called Peekabo - the Vintage Emporium has made its way onto Chiswick High Street, near my work. It sells all the fur and sequins, costume jewellery and expensive dresses made for the very small, very thin people of yesteryear. Items I covet and could never afford. However it also sells the most fabulous home and garden items, which are much more reasonably priced.

Since I have owned a house, I have been a very apt to by art and artifacts and eclectic items for decoration and deliciousness. I have an eye for anything old or attention-seeking and my taste is part French Provence Villa and part exposed brick New York Loft Apartment with a little English Country Garden, oh and a smattering of punk thrown in...

Here are my picks from the pop-up...

This was a vintage letter box, something I've always seen in American films and always wanted and it was red. Of course I couldn't have it in Battersea where EVERYTHING gets pilfered if you leave it for half a second, but for my future country cottage and as an indoor piece of furniture prior to that. I think it was about £125.00, I can't remember as I stupidly forgot to write down any prices.

Rule Britannia (1/2). I love a Union Jack and this is a perfect size for a very empty space in my living room. It could equally be footstool or low table or seat.. Again no prices.. but I think around £100.00.

There were two lots of stone garden lions.. mini ones obviously. The top ones are obviously more detailed and were more expensive at £90.00 a pair but the bottom ones were so cute faced and a snip at £80 a pair. #WANT and might actually buy these.

Just a really beautiful phone (£55). Does absolutely nothing that we expect phones to do these days. Probably wouldn't even work. I just thought, how decadent to actually plug a phone into my land line and answer it wearing a black silk robe and drinking whisky-on-the-rocks whilst playing Where Do You Go To (My Lovely) on a record player..... 

Lots and lots of lovely trunks... Various prices

A scary interlude.... Hope you're not reading this before bedtime :)..... Seriously, I hate antique dolls, they are always terrifying. I think it is because an Indian friend of mine at prep school (often Indian dolls have long nails) told me a horrible ghost story about a doll who scratched her owner to death when she stopped playing with her. Nightmares for weeks...

Rule Britannia (2). The throne I want....

Or this shiny silver stool when I feel like sitting lower.....

Yes, I like Tobacco posters...

The day's soft porn and barely a flash of nipple. Aaah the innocence and some wonderful poetry and subtle innuendo to accompany it....

"I'm angling for a special fish
You may join me if you wish
Don't you think this bait is fine
To hook a sinker for my line"

If you want to visit Antique Emporium and pick up one of these darlings, you can find them here until further notice:
Vintage Store · Antique Store
246 Chiswick High Road, W4 1PD London, United Kingdom
07974 761212

Plus if you are in Chiswick and in the mood for antiques, reclaimed or vintage furniture, you must visit The Old Cinema, another gem.
The Old Cinema - http://www.theoldcinema.co.uk/
160 Chiswick High Road
London W4 1PR
020 8995 4166
sales@theoldcinema.co.uk
Open 10am-6pm Monday to Saturday, 12-5pm Sunday

Happy Shopping!