On Crushing All Over Taylor Swift

 

So I realised today that I have developed a full on eleven year-old fangirl obsession with Taylor Swift, I am literally obsessed with everything she does and everybody she hangs out with and I am sure it is NOT NORMAL for somebody my age. The thing is she's just so cool and so supportive of woman and lovely and wonderfully dressed and yet she is also a bit of a - what the Americans would call - a dork. I'd say a loser, geek or weirdo. If we're talking a American Pie / Mean Girls world here, she's definitely not the cheerleader, she's the band geek or the art freak. And that I think is why I love her, because she's interesting and slightly odd as well as having super cool clothes, great songwriting skills and a crew of BFFs that I would kill to hangout with. As a fellow former loserish kid who liked learning, I can feel it. So it's ok to be in your late-twenties and love her... Right?

Here's some of evidence of why I do

1) Clothes

Ok, the girl can dress, but she couldn't always. Back in the early days of T, it was all Cinderella white lace and little house on the praire and all a bit "Y'all coming to milk the cows on the farm and then Jim-Bob's taking me to thr prom..". Now, though she's found her groove and she's ice cool without having to be "LOOK AT ME" which so many other female celebrities are. 

Also, she doesn't have a tendency to carefully curate her cleavage or let her arse enter first which other young women do (not that I am against this, gurl can do what she wants). But I like the fact that Taylor turns heads without needing to compete for nudity levels.. except those famous legs of course (see below).

2) Songs

Look, I'm a fan of Country music, so I've pretty much liked all her albums but 1989 is just so good. So catchy and with clever lyrics. I mean the tumblr generation freak out about them, because they feel like she is WRITING THEIR LIVES OMFG, and isn't that what the best songwriters do. 

Even my 21-year-old DJ brother admits to thinking it's "a really great pop album"... Watch out for the upcoming premiere of the video for new single Bad Blood, which features many of her equally rad BFFs Cara, Ellie, Lena et al.. speaking of which...

3) Her Woman Crew (& Ed)

Taylor's friendship circle causes me to feel 80% "Go Women" and 20% seething jealousy that I will never get to hang out with them. From supermodels like Karlie Kloss and Cara Delevingne to other popbaes like Ellie Goulding and Lorde, to my idol Lena Dunham and loads of Americans that I know vaguely from reading Sugarscape (sue me). She seems to be constantly hanging out with achingly successful young women. And it seems it is often she who extends the hand of friendship through fangirling over them herself, with no need for a "cool" face on it. And who wouldn't want to be her friend tbh, who wouldn't want to be part of that kind of ambitious, supportive, whirpool of women power where everyone is -like- free to be themselves -you know.. 

Plus there's the fact she's got Mr Sheeran - the nicest and most talented man in Britain (and the world probs) on speed dial as her best man-friend. (I'm mean I'm hoping they'll get married tbh)

4) She's So Bloody Nice

Taylor's treatment of her fan's is legendary, from throwing pre-album launch parties to "Swiftmas" to surprising them out of the blue. She also was also named the "Most Charitable Celeb" of 2014 by DoSomething.Org for her work for feminist causes and New York City public schools. She has, as Glamour recently wrote, made Nice cool again.. and thank goodness for that.

5) Legs

She has the most enviable legs in the business. Full stop. And she's over 5'10, which is so refreshing in the celeb land of minature people.

6) Her List of Ex-boyfriends and How She "Deals" When it's Over

I really don't think women should be judged by who or how many people they date. However, Taylor's got an enviable list of exes and the fact that her relationships with famous men are splashed all over the papers and then when the relationship ends, the lovely media seem to relish in her heartbreak is part of her journey. This is because of how she deals with it, rarely mentioning it in interviews and instead pouring it out in her songs, which to be honest is how we'd all like to get over relationships if we could isn't it... purge the issues and all. Her song "Shake it Off" says it all really, "I go on too many dates, but I can't make 'em stay.. At least that's what people say mmm, that's what people say mmm." People are currently saying that she's dating super star DJ Calvin Harris. Good luck to them; it takes a real good man to keep up with her.

7) Haters Gonna Hate

A lot of people seem to hate Taylor online and off and she has dealt with any hate in the most decourous and graceful manner. She has even recently made up with Kanye West after he stormed the stage at the 2009 Grammy's to claim Beyonce deserved the award and not her. When Lorde called her "too perfect" in an interview, she proceeded to make her her best friend.

Mostly she says, she avoids reading most things that are written about her, because it is not said by her fans and it is not relevant to her life.

"The little I am exposed to hurts my feelings. The only things I can really control are my songs and my behavior. The rest? If I focused on it, that would lead to insanity."

8) Business Woman

Nobody should underestimate Taylor, for all the sweet words and the niceness and the cats, she is one of the most successful women in the world right now. She is a steely business woman, but she has done it without trampling all over other people, another score for feminism, she is destroying the belief that women must fit into the patriarchal definition of success to make it.

Her net worth is estimated at $200 million dollars. She has made shrewd moves like not only copyrighting her entire lyrics but also key phrases in her songs like "this sick beat". Her music is not available through free-streaming powerhouse Spotify as she believes it is unfair on the musicians and artists who make the music to give it away. When her record label were unsure about her making a pop record, she went ahead an made 1989 anyway, because it was what she wanted to do. She is also a social media powerhouse. She has cultivated her own brand and her own business and stayed true tp herself whilst doing it. (*high five emojis).

9) She's a bit of a "Loser" Really

Another example of staying true to herself is that she doesn't try to look cool or change her natural enthusisasm for life in order to fit in to some sexy-starlet stereotype. Half her instagram feed is videos of her cats.Of course she is a beautiful, successful woman and that brings with it a certain status, but she is always willing to be the geek.

She loves cooking and making things and staying in and she has never been pictued falling out of a club. There's no whiff of drug or alcohol rumours and she loves her Mum, who prior to her recent Cancer diagnosis has been on every tour with her. The thing is with Taylor, she's not anti-cool, she's just made it cool to be nice, to be inclusive, to support others, to love a lot and to have an open heart. And this most of all, is why I bloody love the girl. If only we were all this wise at 25.

"Well, I just don't place much priority on looking cool, and I think at 25, I'm finally OK with feeling that. I've said this before. I think there's this priority on having this persona of being edgy or cool or bored. And those things are all sexy. All those things are chic, when you seem not to care about anything other than yourself. And I just don't buy into it. I'm really excited by lots of things. I think enthusiasm is the best protection. It can protect you from anything. And I don't feel bored by any of this, so I don't strive to look bored by any of this." (c) Glamour 2015

Day 8 of #The100DayProject #100DaysofWriting

None of the photos are mine.

Dear Women

A few weeks ago, on International Women's Day, I had another mild disagreement with a friend about feminism, where I had to cave and bite my tongue for fear of launching into an angry shouty, tirade which would defeat my purpose entirely. 

I thought you see, as I think every day that we'd moved forward, that at least middle-class, educated women living a cushy life in the UK's capital would understand that they couldn't not be feminist. Or that I couldn't understand how they could live in our world and not be one. 

I understand that the word has still held onto some bad branding, perhaps I should talk about being egalitarian instead... But to me it is not about everybody being equal, it is about having equal social, political and economic rights - all of us. For we are not all equal, as Osho said, nobody is superior, nobody is inferior, we are each unique and incomparable, and wonderful because of it. 

But if you are a woman who identifies as "not a feminist", it surely means you support the view that men as a collective are better and more valuable than you. Deserve more. Can dictate and control our entire sex. How can you think that? How can anyone man or woman, think that? Why is anyone superior?

So I decided to write a letter to every woman to illustrate what I want for them, for us, for men. After you've read it, please tell me that you still don't need feminism. 

Dear Women,

How are you, you marvellous creators you?

I wanted to tell you a few things that I really want for you, maybe you could tell me if you want them too...

I wish that you will not always be judged by your looks as if that is all you have to give. I also hope that you will be able to wear what you would like with no backlash or judgement. Wear make up or don't, whatever makes you feel your best. Men too.

I want you to be able to walk on your cities streets on your own without feeling ashamed, embarrassed or fearful. I don't want you to suffer rape or sexual abuse because you are a woman and others feel they are entitled to your body.

I want governments and economies to support you, to realise that you have as much to give as a man and to show this through wage and economic equality.

I want you to be able to vote if you want to, to decide things about the country you live in. 

I want you to concentrate on being mothers if you want to and raise your sons and daughters just the same.

Or be sports stars if you want to, write books, run countries or sew and bake if that's your thing. 

I pray that you have choice. I hope that you can do one thing or everything you want.

Six Things to Learn from Maya Angelou

A week ago last Sunday, I went to the Royal Festival Hall to attend an event put on as part of the London Literature Festival; Maya Angelou: A Celebration. It was a beautiful evening with actors, speakers and notable guests reading parts of her autobiographies and poems, as well as talented musicians performing some of the hymns and songs that she did.

For an English Literature graduate, with a minor in history including a lot of the American Civil Rights movement, I came very late to the gifts of Maya Angelou. I first discovered her through my incessant love of other peoples soundbites - namely quotes- about two years ago and just loved everything that had been attributed to her, so I read up and I read her and it's safe to say she was a word and mentality guru.

Her biography reads pretty stark and also shows incredible resourcefulness and talent.... Born Marguerite Annie Johnson on April 4, 1928, she was raped aged eight by her mother's boyfriend, was then mute for almost seven years and went on to work as a cook, madam and sometimes prostitute, nightclub dancer and performer, opera singer, coordinator for the Southern Christian Leadership Conference, and journalist in Egypt and Ghana during the decolonisation of Africa. She was an actor, writer, director, and producer of plays, movies, and public television programmes. Today we talk of multi-tasking, but she was a pragmatic polymath, a Renaissance Woman of the highest degree. Here is what we can learn from her life, work and treatment of others

Eight Online Gurls Worth Stalking

I've been working so much recently that my evenings haven't been filled with the sort of sparkling shenanigans that usually grace these pages*. So I've decided to write a post that I've been meaning to for a while on the beauteous women of the internet. The fiercest tribe of womanhood wit, repartee and just damn humour that keep me clicking, liking, scrolling, tweeting and just generally abusing the www until my thumb aches. These gurls inspire me to write better, banter quicker, live more and just generally be the types that they are. They all blog or write to some degree (though some are also marv on twitter) and they're 90% Brit, because I'm patriotic like that. Generally though they just put life into succinct snippets that are digestible over your lunch hour or during a particular dull day at your desk. So subscribe, like and follow etc etc and I promise your life will be rosy.. Or at least you'll feel that someone else says it like you may think it. 

Superlatively Rude
@superlativelylj

Laura Jane Williams is my soul girl. She writes from the heart. From her sex life to her job situation all of it flows with warmth warmth warmth. She's cynical and sarcastic and talks about vaginas, yet the most earnest person ever and totally not afraid to say how she feels. Totally my kind of woman. She recently did a whole fitness body makeover kinda thing after being a "fat" girl for years... All of it was documented and she never lost her voice. 

On Instagram she posts pics of her enjoying London and heartfelt quotes that somehow she never makes corny- how does she do that!

She also gave up a regular job to go traveling round Europe recently. I mean, the fire! <3 

60 Postcards

@60Postcards

Rachel, Rachel- actually started her blog for a reason and with a big project and then less than a year later she got a a book deal. And she bloody deserved it. It's unusual for blogs I read to actually have a point. Rachel lost her Mum to cancer, very quickly and she left her a ticket to Paris and she used it and started the 60 postcards journey. It was an admirable feat that left her leaving postcards (60) with messages around Paris and then waiting to hear the response. It became an international journey where she made friends and inspired people along the way. And obvs got a book deal.

These days she writes about other admirable ideas or causes as well as updates on her own life. 

I dare you not to get involved in the 60 postcard journey once you read about it...

It was Against Her Better Judgment

@Blonde_M

I'm not sure what Blonde's name is I just know she's bloody cool and she writes in that succinct, observation of life kind of way that I so admire and so can't do.

From stories about her life to what she reads it's all with the controlled loquaciousness that perhaps Bridget Jones would of had if she had a few less Chardonnays and channeled a smidgen more Anna Wintour/Beyoncé.

Horses, courses, men and novels. What more could you want. On twitter she's dry as fuck. How I lurveee that. 

Girl Lost in the City

@girlostincity

It's hard for me not to put the entire Debrief staff on this list (there's two(ish) of them on it) because quite frankly, they're all fucking fabulous. But Emma Gannon (Social Media Editor at Debrief) writes one of those to-the-point blogs that you just gotta read. Whether it's on social media, the pay gap or marriage, she talks about it, like you'd talk.. you know. 

Bloody amazing on twitter too. To the point and not too up her arse to fangirl Zoella, cos that's what we all wanna do really. We want to talk about serious shit then get excited about what we're having for lunch. Biggggg stalking love. 

Marawilsonwritesstuff

@MaraWritesStuff

Otherwise known as Maltida and the little girl from Mrs Doubtfire and Miracle on 34th Street, Mara is now a fiery, smartcastic writer with an attitude. I'm new to her musings but all know is she's hilarious on twitter and the bits of her writing I have read are to the point yet really intelligent. Take her piece on OCD, as an on-and-off sufferer, it's really impressive to me that she write about it with such clarity and no hysteria. 

Also she's just one of those girls who dismisses the haters with a cool, clean nonchalance. 

LLG
+Liberty London Girl 
@LibertryLndnGirl

I feel a bit bad putting Sasha on this list like she's a newbie because she is the one who introduced the concept of blogging to me. I've read her blog since I basically knew what one was and despite her immense success she still does it with calm class. Writing on fashion, events, cooking, her life, her friends it's all casual and engaging. Unlike some lifestyle bloggers who seem to live the life of dreams  with no awareness or gratitude for what they are so lucky to have, you know with Sasha that she's working her arse off, but she loves it. Also she always says when she's been guested or comped by someone.

And she's bloody stylish and I just wanna go for a glass of champagnne with her and talk about how she did it. My idol.

PandoraSykes.Com
@PINSykes

Pandora Sykes should be one of those girls that jelly bitch girls hate... incredible wardrobe and figure, good haircut, oh so fashion forward and yet bloody intelligent, but she's not. 

She was Fashion Editor at the Debrief (there's the other one), but has moved to Sunday Times Style as Fashion Features editor, big hurrah. She bloody deserves it (not at all simmering, I'm all gal power me).

The thing with Pandora is, it's more than one read. Because basically she's a wordsmith too. Fucking love her instagram pics and her satirical comments on life.

Love London (Formerly This Little Lady)
+LOVE_LONDON 
@Love_London

JJ Miller know lots about London and she tells us all about it with ease and modesty. She just your mate, you know. I'd always take her restaurant and bar reccs. And the fact that she has lived with CFS and Fibromyalgia (look it up it's bloody horrendous to live with and basically means chronic pain) for the last few years is just an additional fact. Because she writes about well-being and happinesss from a place that really understands and values it. Her posts make me happy and appreciate my life and then she chucks in a sample sale or an unknown London event and I love her even more.

Big kisses to JJ.

So these my gurllllssss yeah. Go and stalk them and read their bloody amazing writing, because they're all class.

PS: Hope none of them are too offended by my stalker tendencies... I'm just a fangirl ya know

1928

Today is voting day in some or other elections in the UK... Many people aren't sure what. So far really it's been the Farage show and the twittersphere has hijacked the hashtag #WhyImVotingUKIP, which personally I find hilarious.

I'm currently on my way to vote which is to delay me to an engagement drinks and getting that much needed glass of Thursday wine and is rather irksome. 

In my larger group of friends, I reckon about 15% have actually voted. This winds me up no end. Here are my five reasons why everyone should be voting:

1) People fought hard for it

It wasn't until 1928 in Britain that everyone could vote. Poor, rich, male, female etc etc. people died fighting for the right in this country. That deserves respect.

2) People round the world are still fighting and dying. 

Read Aung San Suu Kyi's books and her life story. She was under house arrest for twenty years in Burma and yet once released, she went straight back to politics.

3) You can't complain if you're not voting. 

Care about where your tax money goes, the rights of x, y and z? The future for your eventual kids? You have to be invested to complain.

4) You don't have to agree with anything and everything

If you don't like anybody, read a little,vote for the one that you may have a few policies you agree with or an independent but for God's sake, vote. Apathy says absolutely nothing.

5) Actions speak louder than words. 

So register NOW and make sure you vote next time.

Mean, Mean Girl: Lessons Learnt

Two weeks ago was the tenth anniversary of Mean Girls, a film which defined my late teenage years. I remember seeing it in the cinema and laughing out loud at the aptness of the observations and admiring Tina Fey's fearless humour. I don't remember anyone saying vagina in a teen movie before. Lohan was pre-rehab and Rachel McAdams had yet to be obsessed over by Ryan Gosling (who was he), no one knew Amanda Seyfried could sing. 

At our final school "prom"  when some friends and I were escaping from the five boys that had turned up (#allgirlsschoolproblems) and having a cheeky cigarette on a bench outside, I remember a girl from our year coming up to my two friends and I and saying after a while "You guys are kind of like the mean girls". 

I took this as a massive compliment. Who wouldn't want to be likened to those sophisticated American, follicly-gifted stuff of teenage dreams. In fact I don't think she was trying to mean.. And I don't think I was that much of a bitch at school. The truth though is that I loved been likened to attractive and popular girls, because despite my above-average conscience for a teenager, those things are what I strived for. I would have a very different attitude if someone said that to me now. I just don't want to be a Mean Girl any more, however much I might try and get down with the youth by talking about "ma bitches", on social media.

In reality, my generation learnt and in some cases (age 28), could still learn a lot from the truths of Mean Girls and this is perhaps why, it has stood the test of time unlike so many other "teen movies".

Here are the lessons that I learned:

1) "Calling somebody else fat won't make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn't make you any smarter. And ruining Regina George's life definitely didn't make me any happier. All you can do in life is try to solve the problem in front of you."

An early lesson for me... in fact one that, without sounding sanctimonious, I never really needed to learn. Perhaps this was because between the ages of 13-15, I was a full-blown geek/loser. I liked to read, I liked to do well at school revelling in the praise and the As. 

Reaping the usual teasing from this, I knew I never wanted to make anyone else feel like that. Why would berating and bullying others make you feel better about yourself. It is a quick fix that leaves one sick and regretful and possibly more insecure once the buzz wears off. This however is still a common tactic employed by the world over and the media in particular, mostly towards women. 

We need to solve our own internal problems, not try to drag others down to the lowness we may be feeling inside.

2) "Janis: [reading list the major cliques in high school] You got your freshmen, ROTC guys, preps, J.V. jocks, Asian nerds, Cool Asians, Varsity jocks Unfriendly black hotties, Girls who eat their feelings, Girls who don't eat anything, Desperate wannabes, Burnouts, Sexually active band geeks,

[a picture of herself and Damian come on screen]

Janis: the greatest people you will ever meet, and the worst. Beware of the plastics."

There are always cliques, though perhaps less pronounced than at the archetypal movie-version of an American high school and there are always mean girls.

Just remember, the only person who can really define you is yourself. Some people are always going to place a ring around your neck and label you as "xxxx", whether that is good or bad, but you know the truth. Avoid the mean girls if you can, but more importantly, respect who you are and what you stand for and you'll be fine. 

3) "Ex-boyfriends are off-limits to friends. That’s just, like, the rules of feminism.” 

Interesting definition of feminism aside, this is about honesty when it comes to men and women. Relationship are hard enough without worrying that one of your "friends" is going to make it harder. Having said that I don't believe that if you have let some one go to fly off into the universe without any issues that you should ban them from any relationships with your friends or acquaintances. However we should always be mindful of others and honest from the beginning. This way drama and hurt is usually avoided.

If you have no interest in someone anymore, don't stop them from being happy with another. On the otherside, don't assume someone is fine with you moving in on their ex without asking them. Basically this is another treat others how you would like to be treated, respect people. Weirdness will pass.

4) "There are two kinds of evil people in this world. Those who do evil stuff and those who see evil stuff being done and don’t try to stop it.”

I was not brave as a teenager, I struggled enough to stand up for myself, having been haunted by a few years of being branded a geek, so when I eventually emerged from it, my whole being burned to be popular and accepted and so I avoided any confrontation. I was never the bully, but sometimes I ignored "mean girl" behaviour from people I was dying to impress. Nowadays this won't sit with me and I'm actually far more likely to defend someone treating another badly than myself even if that means saying something uncomfortable to somebody I love.Essentially this is also a selfish behaviour as I feel restless and upset if somebody I know is behaving in a way that I feel is cruel or unfair to another.

This is not an excuse to barge into anyone's business mind you, in a busybody fashion a la half the cast of Made in Chelsea, it is merely about listening to yourself and speaking up for what you know is right. This happens at work, in our social groups and in world issues. 

Note the famous Martin Niemöller quote re: the ride of Nazism and the German intellectuals who ignored so much:

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out-- Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out-- Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out-- Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me--and there was no one left to speak for me.

God Mean Girls is so intellectual.

5) "On Wednesdays we wear pink"

Don't ever feel you should wear something just because everyone else does. With my sizeable arse, I should never have worn Bolts (that's a noughties reference - they are basically massive men's mechanic jeans which one would tie chains to) for example. Nowadays I stick to this... eg you will never see me in a drop waist dress, no matter how pretty they are... They are made for the more boyish of figure ;) 

6) "I know having a boyfriend might seem like the only thing important to you right now, but you don't have to dumb yourself down in order for a guy to like you." 

As a teenager, I really couldn't talk to men (boys!) at all, I'd simply smile and stay quiet until I'd had enough cheap white wine that I might pluck up the courage to flutter my eyelashes enough that one might tongue me for an hour before I had to catch the last train home.

I'd like to think that at the ripe old age I am now, that everyone should know this, but I'm not so sure. I couldn't act "dumb blonde" anyway these days as I'm far too loud and opinonated and I couldn't shut up enought for a man who wanted a pretty ornament.

I also often refer to this article Give it up Giggly by the talented Sam Leith in Tatler, he writes:

"They are appealing to a masculinity that finds the prospect of female independence scary. The personality she contrives to display is all about him: she's there to adore him, to be completed by him, to orbit him like a giggling pink satellite...Yet, as I say, simpering still works on feeble-minded men. So, ladies, if that's the sort of man you hope to hook, knock yourselves out." 

Personally, I don't want a feeble-minded man and I'd rather be alone forever than act dumb to score one of them.

7)  "Well, I don't know who wrote this book, but you all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it ok for guys to call you sluts and whores."

I didn't comprehend the importance of this as a teenager. Calling someone a slut was a term of enderament or a jealous dig at someone who had probably had sex a couple of times when you were still a virgin. Again the all-girls boarding school didn't allow for any real "sluts".

Now I understand it as really being about the way that the entire world views women and trying to alter this with our own language. We shouldn't slut-shame or judge others or use derogatory language just because we may be having a jealous moment. If we do not know or care about the person involved then there's no need and we have no right to judge, if it is an acquaintance or god forbid a friend that we are calling this... we ought to accept that they are allowed to live their live however makes them happy even if we do not agree. And who makes you queen of the world. If they are not happy we should try to help them be happy. Walking around calling other women sluts, whores, bitches etc just affirms the ages-old female stereotypes that we work hard everyday to dispel. Think about it.

8) “Don't let the haters stop you from doing your thang."

Aside from the fact that Kevin G is a complete cult figure for the mean girl generation, along with the legendary Glen Coco, this final quote could be the most important. 

Teenagers are so led by disapproval, insecurity and the crowd mentaility. You have to learn that in life, not everyone is going to approve of you or help you or like you. Accept that. There will be those who criticise and mock and sabotage, get over it and get on with your path. Don't be a hater yourself either, don't be jealous or bitter or condescending.. move forward with your own life.

There will always be mean girls in the world.. and the ones that won't change will just get older and meaner and more bitter, so just breathe and ignore. You'll get further and be happier than they ever will.

Literary Role Models for Girls 1: Pippi Longstocking by Astrid Lingdgren

This is a new series of posts that looks at literary icons for children, teens and tweens. Fed up of the idolisation of pop-stars and celebutantes who aren't always the best examples for the nations daughters (though I'm not saying they should be), I wanted to look at the girls and women that inspired me as a child and taught me that I could be anything I wanted.

Before Lisbeth Salander made everyone Scandimanic, there was one Pippi Longstocking; a nine-year-old with super human strength left to live alone by her sailor father with a horse and a monkey. Recogniseable for her ginger pigtails and freckles, she is rude and adventurous possessing little formal education, yet having all the necessary life skills to look after herself.

Whilst living alone in a multi- coloured mansion with only animals for company and no grown-ups to tell one what to do may be every child's dream, it is the spirit of Pippi that stays with you to adulthood. Sparky, prone to truth stretching and the antithesis of the traditional little girl ideals of dolls and cooking, she has been encouraging fun and good clean mischief for over sixty years.

The children came to a perfume shop. In the show window was a large jar of freckle salve, and beside the jar was a sign, which read: DO YOU SUFFER FROM FRECKLES?

"What does the sign say?” asked Pippi. She couldn’t read very well because she didn’t want to go to school as other children did.

"It says, ‘Do you suffer from freckles?’” said Annika. 

"Does it indeed?” said Pippi thoughtfully. “Well, a civil question deserves a civil answer. Let’s go in.” She opened the door and entered the shop, closely followed by Tommy and Annika. An elderly lady stood back of the counter. Pippi went right up to her. “No!” she said decidedly. 

"What is it you want?” asked the lady.

"No,” said Pippi once more.

"I don’t understand what you mean,” said the lady.

"No, I don’t suffer from freckles,” said Pippi.Then the lady understood, but she took one look at Pippi and burst out,

“But, my dear child, your whole face is covered with freckles!”

"I know it,” said Pippi, “but I don’t suffer from them. I love them. Good morning.” She turned to leave, but when she got to the door she looked back and cried, “But if you should happen to get in any salve that gives people more freckles, then you can send me seven or eight jars.” 

― Astrid Lindgren, Pippi Longstocking

My Mother's Loves and Me

Me and Mama, c 1991/2

Sunday, as the whole of the UK is well aware, was Mother's Day. Without wanting to sound cynical and negative, incessant commercialism has made this day somewhat themed around trite cards and cheap flowers and oh hell I must get home in time for lunch even though I have a terrible hangover. Pubs, restaurants and cafés are full to the brim of mothers carted out by weary fathers and sugared up small children clutching homemade cards, often granny is also in tow.

I spent the day sleeping very late, which I only seem to be able to do at my childhood home and then cooking an ok roast lamb following a lengthy discussion about timings for a shoulder in the Aga. 

Don't misunderstand me; I think Mothers Day is important to remind people to appreciate their mothers or mother figures. I think for children it is important and lovely for the mothers in question to see their babies' efforts and love. As we grow older though, Mother's Day is about something altogether different; at least in my book. 

At university, I wrote my dissertation on the themes of motherhood in the works of Mary Wollstonecraft and her daughter, Mary Shelley. The mysteries of motherhood have always interested me. I think how woman are in adulthood, how they are inside themselves and how they absorb and interact with their environment and the world is often down to the way their mothers or mother figures have raised and guided them.

My mother has taught me to love and live in so many ways that seem impossible to list and analyse. However, I have tried my best to describe the ten most prevalent things that I am grateful for, every day of my life.

1) Love of Nature

This took a while for me to admit. I was a rather bookish young child and a frightfully cerebral yet angsty teenager who preferred deep thoughts and indoors. Though I had a brief spell of wishing I lived outdoors with the animals as a younger child, I soon turned into a hermitty geek loathe to indulge in bonding with nature.

As I grew older and I learnt more, little murmurs of the exaltations I had experienced throughout my life seeped into my consciousness.

Then I studied the Romantic poets and I learnt about the sublime and suddenly what my mother had gently taught me all my life made sense.

Love of nature gives us so much as we move through our lives. From appreciation of transient beauty, of blooms that come and go to the awesomeness of the sky and the sea and the ocean, I am enthralled. I now delight in a weird nature programme as much as I would in a documentary on Sylvia Plath.

Devotion to nature  and the pleasure you gain from it both keeps one grounded and soars us to a god-like high in appreciation of the vast enormity of the universe and your small place in it.

2) Love of Making Things Beautiful

My mother is a bejewelled butterfly, an accessoriser, a decorator, a gardener. She will tie a ribbon on something at any opportunity, her dinner party tables are worthy of their own exhibition and she would be paid a princely sum for her interior design skills.

I, in turn, have always loved to make things pretty and look lovely. From the hours I used to spend making homemade cards as a child to the lighting of candles and decorating of walls that I enjoy now. There isn’t a surface in my house that isn’t filled with a piece of cheap pottery, a photo frame or a candle. At university, we couldn’t really afford expensive Christmas decorations so instead I bought rolls of cheap wrapping paper and papered our entire living room walls for a house party. 

I think it is all about one’s personal environment and creative endeavours being an extension of one’s inner self. I like things to look nice and to feel homely as an aesthetic welcome. That is something that I have definitely learnt from Mama, you can make people feel comfortable, safe and happy through the small details.

3) Love of Colour

Life is colourful, express yourself. Express the world. Don't live in the dark muted tones, you are only hiding. I remember my mother always telling me that people who wear black all the time look miserable.

Maybe that's sexy to some people, not to me.

4) Love of My Flaws

One of the hardest things in the world and something I still work on every day. That bookish child and cerebral, angsty teenager that I mentioned earlier was somewhat brooding and somewhat self-critical, indeed she still is. I spent a large part of adolescence not liking myself very much. It is only in the last few years really that I have learnt to think of life differently. To live life as the gift it is and not to berate myself constantly for the many many mistakes I make but rather learn from them and use them for good.

We will never be the best at everything, we will never be perfect. Perfection in fact is an illusion. Sure you could have skinnier thighs, a better paid job, a boyfriend, or perhaps you don't think you're nice enough or you don't see your friends enough... Turn off the inner voices and focus on living daily, being mindful of yourself and those you care about and come into contact with. If you can love the little things you will soon love the big things.

I succeed in this about 75% of the time, which I believe to be reasonably good. My mother is responsible for teaching me how to think like this or at least guiding me towards it. It has changed my life.

5) Love of the Universe 

If you can't take the hippy-vibes or are a die hard cynic.. you may want to look away now... I'm not going to write a big long speech here. I only like to talk about this to people who are open to it really.. it's all about the positive thoughts, actions and questions. The picture above says it all.. Again my mother introduced this way of thinking and I embrace it wholeheartedly..

6) Love of Positivity 

Dream, love, be kind to others, smile and think the best and you'll find that life can treat you quite well..

7) Love of Talking

I don't know what my first words were but I know that I sat at adults' dinner tables from the age of three talking nineteen to the dozen, with very astute opinions in many things.

All my school results would have remarks about talking too much, about distracting others who needed to listen more than I did... (there's the casual arrogance again)

Meanwhile, I would get irritated with my mother as she stopped to chat to someone in the school car park.

I still talk too much, I could talk all day in fact to those I love. Gab gab gab, nonsense, nonsense, nonsense. The weird thing is people who don't know me, may think I'm shy, because I don't necessarily talk before I have got stock of someone, of their boundaries, of their interests. You see, generally I talk to air my soul and sometimes you just don't want to do that with strangers.

Again, it was my mother who allowed me to talk this much rarely telling me to shut up or be quiet as many a parent are apt to... She once told me and a friend off for gossiping when we were about 17, but we were being mean. She rarely told me to shut up just to silence my flow of chatter... however irritating it may have been.

8) Love of Reading

People used to laugh at me when I was younger for reading so much. One girl even threw a book I was reading out the window. I was more irritated than anything.. I was at such a good bit.

Reading has honestly held my hand through every age of life, showing me so many various scenes and scenarios and characters and choices and events that I never felt alone or like there weren't a thousand different wonderful experiences to have in life.

I was never ashamed of being a bookworm even when I was teased for it. In fact I rather ridiculed the people that did not read. Wannabe-intellectual-snob that I was. How have they never experienced that pleasure.. I thought to myself. How sad.

My mother read to me for hours and hours before I could do it myself (that was not very long- I started young) then she read me harder books and then she bought me books and now we discuss books and swap books and sometimes I buy her books too. Reading is one of the things that I love most in life and so I am ever grateful for this nurturing from a young age.

9) Love of the Future

Never be afraid but embrace it and look forward to all the amazing things that are to come.

When I was a child, my mother used to sing to me in bed. My favourite song she used to sing was the famous Doris Day song, Que Sera Sera. It comforted me then, as it does now. Chill the f*** out, we can't see the future...

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, "What will I be?
Will I be handsome, will I be rich?"
Here's what she said to me

"Que Sera, Sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be"

When I grew up, I fell in love
I asked my sweetheart, "What lies ahead?
Will we have rainbows, day after day?"
Here's what my sweetheart said

"Que Sera, Sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be"

Now I have children of my own
They ask their father, "What will I be
Will I be handsome, will I be rich?"
I tell them tenderly

"Que Sera, Sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be"

10) Love of People who Touch Your Life 

Whether they are friends or family or lovers or flings or acquaintances or people you meet just once and smile at. People are what make your life great not things or achievements or anything else. Maybe this is obvious, but if it is most people don't act like it. Don't be rude to the checkout assistant or bus driver, don't whine for no reason or snipe at a friend because you've had a bad day. At least try not to.

I have felt entirely loved in every which way by both my parents all my life and I know I am incomparably lucky for this. So, I just try to reflect a little bit back at others.

Happy Late Mother's Day Mama x x x x