Four Weddings and Added Instagram Hashtags

When I watched Four Weddings and a Funeral as a young teenager, I yearned for the time of weddings, for country houses and London receptions and all best friends having LOLs over champagne. I couldn’t wait for the romance and the Mini Coopers and the hats. Now I have officially entered wedding life season, here are a few observations that I would like to make about how my childhood dream has been destroyed...: 

1) They do not warn you about the money. I know everyone complains about this... but FFS. 

Starting with 

A) The Hen/Stag Do: It is in the South of France with MOH e-mailing everyone “Hi Guys! Please all transfer me £500.00 all-in for Buttercup’s hen. Also please all prepare a stand-up comedy routine / original song / handmade quilt for Buttercup as a gift. Will be such LOLS. Also send me stories about Buttercup.” – I don’t know any fucking stories she’s an old work colleague that I didn’t much like. My only stories about her revolve around her lunch choices and the occasional time she’d get pissed on a work night out and flirt with the intern.

Dedicated to the Ones Who Know Us Best

If you've got them you know, you know who they are. Without question. They're the ones that sense when something's wrong and call even if they're 100 miles away. Who let you borrow their shoes, even if you stretch them. They send you links of stuff they'd think you'd like and buy you silly cheap presents that are memories of a long-forgotten holiday. They think you're sparkling, so much so that you wonder where you'll find a lover who will reflect back such a magnificent picture. They know your drink order.

They'll talk to you about the same problem you've had for ten years with patience, but they'll call you on your bullshit too. You can spend hours with them in silence, and their parents have your mobile number. They'd happily invite you along on their date nights and vice versa.

You've enjoyed many a kitchen disco.

If you called them at 3am and they picked up, you know they'd help you with whatever you needed. They remember what you were like at 14, 16, 18, 21 and know that you still carry some of that uncomfortable adolescent in you, beneath the banter and blow dry.

They know your type from a mile off and steer you away if he's ill-advised.

If they wanted to they could say things that would pierce your deepest insecurities. But they never would, even during the most heated row.

You've laughed with them for thousands of hours of your life.

Travelled across the globe with them.

Know where the chocolate is kept at their parents house.

Sometimes when you're wtith them you feel s heated glow that tickles your spine, like you've drunk a bottle of wine. It's comfort and giggles and overwhelming emotion all at the same time.

Sometimes you want to smack them or tell them, to shut. the fuck. up. And you let them know. Sometimes you miss not seeing them EVERY SINGLE DAY, like at school.

The best foundations of your adult self.