Dear Women

A few weeks ago, on International Women's Day, I had another mild disagreement with a friend about feminism, where I had to cave and bite my tongue for fear of launching into an angry shouty, tirade which would defeat my purpose entirely. 

I thought you see, as I think every day that we'd moved forward, that at least middle-class, educated women living a cushy life in the UK's capital would understand that they couldn't not be feminist. Or that I couldn't understand how they could live in our world and not be one. 

I understand that the word has still held onto some bad branding, perhaps I should talk about being egalitarian instead... But to me it is not about everybody being equal, it is about having equal social, political and economic rights - all of us. For we are not all equal, as Osho said, nobody is superior, nobody is inferior, we are each unique and incomparable, and wonderful because of it. 

But if you are a woman who identifies as "not a feminist", it surely means you support the view that men as a collective are better and more valuable than you. Deserve more. Can dictate and control our entire sex. How can you think that? How can anyone man or woman, think that? Why is anyone superior?

So I decided to write a letter to every woman to illustrate what I want for them, for us, for men. After you've read it, please tell me that you still don't need feminism. 

Dear Women,

How are you, you marvellous creators you?

I wanted to tell you a few things that I really want for you, maybe you could tell me if you want them too...

I wish that you will not always be judged by your looks as if that is all you have to give. I also hope that you will be able to wear what you would like with no backlash or judgement. Wear make up or don't, whatever makes you feel your best. Men too.

I want you to be able to walk on your cities streets on your own without feeling ashamed, embarrassed or fearful. I don't want you to suffer rape or sexual abuse because you are a woman and others feel they are entitled to your body.

I want governments and economies to support you, to realise that you have as much to give as a man and to show this through wage and economic equality.

I want you to be able to vote if you want to, to decide things about the country you live in. 

I want you to concentrate on being mothers if you want to and raise your sons and daughters just the same.

Or be sports stars if you want to, write books, run countries or sew and bake if that's your thing. 

I pray that you have choice. I hope that you can do one thing or everything you want.

I Love Big Brother: 1984 at the Playhouse Theatre

George Orwell's 1984 is probably one of the texts’ that has most affected me in my life. I cannot say I have always loved it or that I did not struggle with its politics and deceptive language the first time I read it at 14 or 15. I loathed having to read the sections of O’Brien's book certainly. But I understood it and its suggestions burned deep within my psyche as a teenager, in a mind already troubled by pigs that looked like Stalin (aged 13). It was the beginning of my fervour for dystopian novels that lasted a few years, perfectly echoing my cynical teenage ways and I read my way through Atwood and Huxley, Burgess and HG Wells. 

Since GCSE coursework, I picked it up a couple of times at university for references but never read it properly again. Somehow it haunted me and the less than pleasant nature of the subject and the gruelling energy required for digestion somehow stopped me from rereading it. It's been 14 years. 

When the Headlong production at the Almeida Theatre received rave reviews, I knew I wanted to see it (it was at the Nottingham Playhouse prior to this). I knew that its relevance in today's screen-filled, observed world was almost not worth mentioning to the educated; I just wanted to see how it would be produced. Would it still shock and make one question everything. Or was I just older and less cynical now, hardened against Orwell's didactic warnings. Ready just to observe the way it was interpreted. Was I hell. 

I finally got tickets to the production when it transferred to the Playhouse Theatre on the Embankment and went in with no pre-conceptions with my standard theatre friend D. Light Wednesday viewing we knew it would not be,

“Will we be very depressed do you think, afterwards?”

“Most likely,” I answered, “but in the good way, the Byronic way, the I’ve just got angry about the world, but at least I’m involved way.. You know.”

The thing is, relative to Orwell’s message in the novel is, it did not depress me. Relative to my viewing of the great 1984 film Nineteen Eighty Four with John Hurt and Richard Burton, it did not either. This play is sharp and certainly encourages reflection, but it did not out and out depress me.

The creators, Robert Icke and Duncan Macmillan have created a nimble yet intelligent adaptation. The set by Chloe Lamford is fabulous and so simple, one backdrop really, until Room 101, with a small bedroom partition as the sluttish “room with no screen” in the place that time stood still. The use of lighting, sound and video projections is also perfectly apt for this production, used wisely and well. Cracking through the senses at the exact points necessary and propelling Orwell’s far-too cliché-cluttered Room 101, back to its original terrifying form.

From the beginning of the play the presence of a crowd of people, unrecognisable characters who seem to be discussing Orwell’s novel, work as an impressive narrative tool... almost Brechtian, I thought, so aah... yes we are observing fiction here... This became more confusing as the play went on as characters in the “book club” seem to also be part of Winston’s life and unravelling. Nothing new there you may say, multiple roles, but it felt more uncomfortable, like they were sort of living part of his story as they discussed it, or had already lived it. Was it a novel or a case study or a history book, we may never know.

 

 

The lead actors, Sam Carne as Winston and Hara Yannas as Julia were also affective. Though both far too attractive, from what I remember of the novel, this did not affect your belief of them. Carne particularly plays Winston as the reluctant hero that we all know him to be. With a stuttering sort of character, never knowing whether he is in or out, or what he knows, seized by fits of passionate hatred and lulls of quiet dissonance.

The themes we know and love are still there. The demise of language into newspeak, something which thankfully worries me less now as it did 14 years ago, as I see more and more words enter our dictionaries; no snobbery against the #selfie please and thank-you. Yes, doublethink, well we know this can happen.

Screens, screens and watching us ALL THE TIME, for the paranoid luddites this will certainly ring true, for the normal person who browses the internet, this will feel like a nagging headache. Yes we should be careful. Even in the room with no screen they are seen. 

 Love. Is it there? I wasn’t convinced in this production, but then I never have been. From the moment I first read 1984, I did not believe in the love between Winston and Julia. She is his soapbox, his humanity, the one who shoves him from the comfort of thoughtcrime to out and out treason and hatred of Big Brother. But love, I don’t know. In this production, she very obviously personifies human desires, wants, needs, all the things banned by Big Brother. Chocolate and sex she is... To be honest, I always thought Orwell was a little unfair on Julia; he seems to hate her and love her equally. She is brave but where is this directed. Can we really believe that someone in that circumstance would only care about their animal wants while risking so much... but that’s just me.

A particularly resonating scene of the production for me was the two minutes hate, a government form of brainwashing by whipping the subjects into a frenzy of hate against the party enemies by showing them shocking footage. This is something where live action beats the page and although we all know about extremist regimes that practice this. It was recognising similar traits in our society that shivered down my spine. Hatred of particular groups or people is all too easy when we are looking for someone to blame.

Room 101... the terror, the torture the mind. This was also a chilling scene as I said. The set resembled a mental institute and reminded the audience or certainly me of the egocentric nature of our fear and our rebellion. Especially exaggerated in this production,

 “If you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself.”

Well, yes and this is the route of all the fear of Big Brother, if he can change in our inner thoughts, then we are doomed.

I do not know how the creators of this production managed to fit so much into 90 minutes. Even those with no knowledge of Orwell’s novel would comprehend and consider the messages in this play... Go see it. It’s a must.

1984 is at The Playhouse Theatre, London
Running until 23^rd August.

Valentine's in Glitterland, Secret Theatre Show 4

It was Valentine's Day, I'd already had several glasses of wine and I was with my friend whose boyfriend had kindly lent her to me for the night. We'd picked the day of lovers purposefully to forget the flowers and forced fashions and instead to see Secret Theatre: Show 4; the fourth and final in the series that had been taking place at the Lyric over the renovation period. Show 3 had been disarming but epic, therefore I was expecting a lot. 

As you go to the Secret Theatre Series knowing basically nothing, it is hard not to be confused when it starts; there's no theatrical blurb or programme just a cast list with "Based on John Webster's, The White Devil". Perhaps other viewers might know their Jacobean tragedies, but this meant little to us (Googled during the interview). The play had been modernised and sharpened by Hayley Squires in its modern manifestation, Glitterland.

"How the fuck are we supposed to rule them if they know the truth."

To be honest, the first half was not easy to grasp, though we though afterwards, perhaps this was purposeful. What became clear from the start though was that there was some sort of dystopian power-struggle going on with nuances of incest and sexual subterfuge. Set in a future-land, a future court or political ruling class, the themes, staging, language and feel of the play was somewhere between Pulp Fiction, Sin City and Brecht's Ui. Beauty, celebrity and power are valued above all, indeed half the ruling class are part of the "entertainment" sector.

Certainly there was a sinister air from the start as the leading female, Marilyn Monroe-esque, Victoria sang her old-Hollywood musical numbers and was lusted after by the married prince of the land. Still confused a little, we were thrust into Godfather-territory as all the men had a meeting about something or other; all with names such as Franco, Lupo, Ciano and Nemo and someone was banished. We also accepted that there was part of what was occurring that may have been imagined by one or more characters, but we weren't completely sure of which part it was. Perhaps the sexy red headed woman that only appeared in the presence of one character, Nemo - the play's Iago - and seemed otherworldly.

"What is wrong with not looking beautiful"

By the interval, I was soft-headed, partly due to wine, partly due trying to scrunching my brow in concentration... The acting was fabulous, that was obvious. Especially Katherine Pearce's, Victoria and Leo Bill's, Nemo and having seen these actors before in Show 3, this really showed off their versatility. I was also pleased to find my date as muddled as me about where it was going..

The second half was certainly more elucidated and drew things together so we could enjoy the power of the acting, though after the interview it felt a little predictable. More people are killed, public speeches are given, people sing, drugs are taken and the women fade into the background even more..

Still Leo Bill's performance "glitters" as Nemo; playing the character so well, that the audience shirk back as he draws near.

"We'll be running the Glitterland together, like we always dreamed"

What did I take from this piece...power, money and celebrity are bad, sure. A ruthless leader isn't great, but a quiet fixer and right-hand man to the leader is often more dangerous (I believe Shakespeare taught me that). It was an interesting depiction with insightful acting In a "performed piece ": reality was not courted by the staging or the characterisation of the lead roles, it was satirical and cartoonish and yet those studied characters were so well done that it was certainly not Brechtian, we were not ready to get up and judge. That alone is enough for me to recommend it to others. I liked Hayley Squires' script, I think that she could produce something that really pushed boundaries in the future. Leo Bill will be famous as a great actor one day, I am sure of it. Many of the rest of the cast were extremely good too, there was just some little thing that failed to make it glitter, or leave me winded as Show 3 had done.

After this me and my Val-date staggered to the pub and quickly moved onto more liquor and cigarettes and jocular discussion on the affairs of our friends and enemies, unfettered by the storms raging around us. With Show 3, we had been numb for an hour afterwards barely speaking except to discuss the play. And that, my friends.. silencing the cynical, fickle Londoner... is a sign of something truly wonderful...

Secret Theatre: Show 4

Showing at the Lyric, Hammersmith until the 22nd March

To Book:  lyric.co.uk

Images (c) Lyric, Hammersmith 

Febresolutions 2014

So yes it is February and eleven days in... However, I do not agree with making resolutions in January. It is the worst month of the year when one is already thoroughly depressed. To be honest, I have never liked resolutions as a rule, they are always so negative and dull. Focusing on forsaking the things we love and berating ourselves for not being good enough people. From last year I really decided that I would never start the new year with such predictability. But it seems almost impossible not to get excited by the prospect of the proverbial clean page.. or an excuse to alter our Christmas-clogged psyches that last had a re-jig in the post-summer haze of back-to-school September. I also advocate starting in Feb, this may be because my birthday and about ten of my friends are in January and so our Christmas excess and lack of concentration on anything but celebration seems to last extra-long.

My 2013 - let's call it aspiration - was to "dwell in possibility" (a little vague??) as well as to start blogging and writing again and to go to bed earlier. It was only really in the last part of the year that I began to heed these resolutions and actually begun writing again. I tried to go to bed earlier for about a week.. This did not last.

This year, I feel in the perfect place to do much more... And so here they are, my aims for 2014 written down as much for myself as for anyone else reading: I'll warn you there's 15 - should be able to accomplish one surely...  Do not expect any promises to give up smoking or drink less as really... if that's what you want... look away now.

1) Learn to Code Properly

Apparently everyone should have the skill. It makes you, you know a "desirable" employee. For me it's really about being able to make stuff look good; to be able tinker about with websites for clients and myself without you know calling the tech guy.. Because really it's so much easier if you can do things yourself. At the moment I can do basics through google. Also, I'd like to make this site look better. 

2) Embrace Awkward

Whether it's innate shyness, extreme Britishness or something else. I have a severe fear of the awkward situation. Not just a normal #cringe moment, I go in to full blown fear. At the moment, I have a policy of avoid or run- away. I can't even watch awkward situations on films or tv shows, I turn away and cover my ears. In real life situations, I walk away or change the subject if anything awkward comes up. I never go on dates for fear of awkward, or if I do, I get tipsy enough that I don't feel the awkward. However I believe in facing your fears so for me, it's time to face the awkward. Quite how to do this and how exactly I will fight my natural instincts.. Is yet to be seen.

2) Write My Play

I have had the idea for a good six months and I think it's a good one. I've been scared of the form and the genre, I'm used to writing prose and haven't written a play script for ten years. However, I think the idea is so good that someone else will write it soon if I don't, and that will annoy me soooo much.

3)  Have a Night of Passion with Harry Styles or Marry Benedict Cumberbatch

Yeah ok, this one's obv a silly one. Have a curly-crush on the 1D Lothario, even though he most likely bats for the other team and is substantially younger. #perv. As for Benedict, totally in love with that man. He's just so clever and slightly odd-looking which I enjoy. There's no harm putting it down on paper... You never know...

4) Cook

Have started cooking more recently and vow to do more, for health and hosting reasons. Maybe will also add to my potential wife-skills #stillafeminist

5) Continue to Write and Not Just on Here

Writing might be the activity that makes me feel the most content and grounded in life (as well as angry and exasperated at times). Yet for three years I did not write one word that wasn't work related.

Chewed up by the 7-7 London life that we trip along through from desk to treadmill, from transport to social occasion, meal to life admin. I forgot - or more like avoided - doing what I loved because I was scared to. Late 2013, I began writing this blog and now I feel like I'm ready to write more and more and hopefully even for publication. Prose and poetry and screenplays and articles - I want to try it all.

6) Get Body the Best it Can Be Whilst Still Under 30 as Not Much Time Left (and Climb the Three Peaks)

I'm an all or nothing girl when it comes to exercise. Either a total gym-bunny; obsessed and depressed if I miss a workout or not doing anything at all and living the life of the London work-hard, play-hard and nothing in between kind of girl. At 28 though, it's time to get myself into the best shape I can before my body won't do what I tell it to so easily...

I've wanted to do the three peaks for five years at least and as part of my fitness goal and because my angel little sister is constantly doing impressive fitness feats, this is the year.

7) Be Early or at Least On Time

Perpetually 15 minutes late to EVERYTHING. I've always hated feeling constrained when I don't have to. I don't feel like it's a rude thing, more like a daydreamer thing. Though I don't like the thought that it comes across rude to others...So I'm giving it a go from now on....

8) Walk and Read

When I walk I find my brain settles on it's best ideas and so walking to and / or from work every day seems like a smart idea. Plus it helps with the above.

As a child I was a bookworm, literally nose always in a book and I still am... But these days so many other things seem to distract me. I want to try and make sure I get through at least a book a month. Not only do I enjoy it, but it powers my brain and how can I hope to be a good writer if I don't read.

9) Try to Eat Minimal Sugar as You Drink Enough of it at Weekends

Sugar is the devil and addictive and makes you fat. But I love white wine. And that's really it. 

10) Date

I hate dating (see embrace awkward above). I've always found it terribly American and fake, but really I'm not likely to find the love of my life bar hopping or at work, so I think I need to do more of it. I also relish the opportunity for amusing material for this blog.

11) Paperwork, Cash & Adult Shit

I hate paperwork, leave it in piles until I give myself a panic attack from the stress and I'm pretty bad with money. Again a growing-up point but more because I know it will make me happier if I am organised.

12) Tattoo

I used to think they were dreadful and dirty, or at least something people did to follow the crowd. I've scoffed at friends who have them. Now I want one, probably because I finally know and trust myself enough to not regret it. Watch this space...

13) Give Something

Life is better when you do things for other people. I think I'm pretty thoughtful to my friends and family- most of the time. However, I want to do something for a bigger cause for someone who really needs it. 

14) Tech-NO

So I'm a little too addicted to the internet, to social media: instagram, Facebook, twitter, linkedin, pinterest, vine - you name it, I've dabbled. I'm subscribed to hundreds of blogs, viral sites and everything in between. I know though that I should switch off at least one night a week. Nothing after 7pm. One can only try..

15) De-clutter and DIY

I'm not a horder per se, I just collect a lot of things that I do not regularly sort out. I've endless bags of clothes I no longer wear, boxes full of ticket stubs, postcards and souvenirs from long forgotten holidays. Files from courses I did years ago reside in "bags for life" with loose photos, broken phones and fliers for plays that are long since over. I'm the sort that thinks - I'll deal with that later, I might need it someday.. I want to cherish that memory. More often than not it takes up useful space. Hence the de-cluttering and quite frankly, like the paperwork above, it stresses me out. 

Once the clutter is cleared, there's so many things that I want to do to my lovely house, paint walls, rescue some furniture from junk shops and make my little haven even more mine...

Let's see how many of the above fifteen I stick to....


*None of these images are (c) mine except the top one....

WhatsApp of the Week: 1 - On Women, Men and Sex in Your Twenties

So I have realised for a wannabe-wit, my blog has not been that funny. Mostly serious I think I'm well cultured kind of posts with snippets of philosophical musings and my own brand of wordiness. So I am introducing a regular feature called... WhatsApp of the Week to cheer things up a bit.

It will be interesting/funny/weird conversations I have had with my friends over the previous week. Some times with background, sometimes not. 

Please take it as lightly as it is meant. I like to consider myself slightly above average intelligence and a very open, non-judgemental, in fact quite liberal in most ways type of person. However, the banter you have with your friends on instant messenger is not always thought completely through and I am usually looking for a quick judgement or a cheap laugh. #sorrynotsorry. See, I used to be a language nazi and now I use hashtags and digital phrasing. Whatever. Also, I will keep all the convo in, except names and similar.

This first one is between myself and my theatre-date friend. It all started with an email.

This is a snippet of said article in the Telegraph:

 

And blah blah on it goes..you should know that we are 27- so a little older than this..

Here is the conversation we managed to have over this. I think we made a complicated issue quite light work ;)...

Until next time...