Wednesday, 15 April 2015

Leading Our Own Life

Soooo... I've been a little quiet lately because I've been figuring my shit out, to put it bluntly. You might remember in a post I wrote about reading the signs that life was battering me a bit - or really I was battering myself. The thing is that I was working in a job for some great people, had been there for four years and I just wasn't feeling any joy from it any more, you know. It was becoming something that I had to get through every day and instead of waking up and thinking what can I achieve today I was letting the fear of change and failure crush me, standing still and curled up, feeling lower and lower.

I was preaching all this stuff on Instagram and in my blog posts about how to live your life but I wasn't doing it. I half-heartedly looked at other positions, but I knew it wasn't what I wanted. I didn't want to work for someone else doing the same thing. That wasn't why I was unhappy, it was because I wasn't using my best qualities. I was living a life governed by what I thought I should and it was destroying me.

So one day after months of numb depression, a week of tears every night and conversations with my mother and my best friend, all of whom had been telling me that I needed to leave and do something else and that I was wonderful and talented and etc etc (I had no self confidence at this point so I massively needed their loving words), I just thought FUCK it. I want to trailblaze. I handed in my notice the next day and my company were wonderful about it, working in a small team, I think they had noticed I had lost my spark.

The thing is you see, I want to lead my own life, I want to decide what creative projects to put my energy in to. I want to write a novel and a play. I want to start a side business making these funny poetry character cards. I want to work with clients on a freelance basis doing branding and comms and social media for companies I think I can help. I want to do freelance journalism for publications and sites, writing about things that I know I can boss. I want to do yoga ALL THE TIME and maybe train as a yoga teacher someday. I want to collaborate with friends and new contacts on creative projects. I want to coach and help other people. Yeah basically I want to take over the world.

I took this step of quitting my job, because I needed to. The dissatisfaction, fear and insecurity was slowly destroying my light. But since I've done it, all these things have become clearer in my mind. I doubt I will ever take a full time job in just one company again, because I'm just too much of a weirdo and an alternative to work the grind without throwing a little bit too much of myself in too.
Really I'm writing this post in the hope that it inspires other people that may think they want to choose a different path in life. 

I'm well aware that I'm lucky to have a job at all and the option of leaving it. I'm well aware that I'm fucking lucky in the support network I have. I've grown up with parents and family that have supported and nurtured every ambition and weird idea I've ever had. It's taken reaching 29 to realise that it's ok to accept their help and support. I also have friends who see all the good in me, no matter how many times I fuck up. They see the wonder and creativity that I occasionally accept that I have and reflect it right back at me 100 fold. It is through these people that I've managed to sit back and take stock and realise that it is ok to go after what I want and that I can do it. 

I've also learnt to accept that I might still fail several times over. This fractured plan of mine might not work in all the ways I want it to, but that's ok because at least I'm trying. If I get to a ripe old age, I will know I have followed my true self. I'm willing to put my ego aside and fail if needs be, as long as I know that I have leapt in, heart in my mouth, fizzing with excitement, everyday. Because I can.

Along the way to this realisation I have read A LOT...the Internet provides a plethora of inspiring, creative individuals advocating a different way of life / work balance or encouraging others to chase their goals in a different way. So here's my reading list...

- Laura Jane Williams at Superlatively Rude quit her job to write a novel and move to Bali and much more.. She has also started the #AskTheQuestion project which is totally awesome.
- Will Reynolds started The Collabara Project, which I've recently found and is amazing, read all about The New Work Order and a being a Value Creator on his website and e-newsletter.
- Sarah Alexander has written many books on how to lead your own life, including Spiritual Intelligence in Leadership which I'm currently reading. I've also been to some of her courses and meditation sessions. Find her online here.
- Jenny Blake is a Career and Business strategist and speaker and her website and mail out has a plethora of resources for individuals who want to start a business. And she's just a very inspirational do-it-all kind of girl.
- Elizabeth Gilbert of Eat Pray Love has an amazing Facebook page with all sorts of joy of life bits and powerful advice. New non-fic book, Big Magic coming out in September, can't wait.
- Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project and new book, Better than Before talks so much sense on how to live life better day to day and how to be happy.
- Carrie Hilgert is an artist who creates amazing, inspirational pieces, I'm in love with Myrtle, one of her characters.
- The email blasts from Marc and Angel, M&A Hacks Life and Leo Babauta of Zen Habits lighten my day.
- Finally if you're no signed up to Maria Popova's Brain Pickings... do. She's the greatest curator of life.

There's endless other websites, but these are the ones that have been particularly inspirational for me.

The reason I've written this post isn't really to talk about me, though I'm sure it will explain a few things to people I know. I've written it to hopefully reassure other people who may want to do the same. Maybe some who don't have the same support network. Maybe some who struggle with belief in themselves. Everyone has the potential to create their own career, carve their own life, so be brave and do it. At the moment I'm not sure where my next pay check is coming from, but I'm so so happy and I am trusting that with my hard work it will all go well. If it doesn't then I can always go back to the drawing board knowing I've tried and what's the harm in that.

For anyone who is interested in collaboration, hiring me, writing or just talking about the wonders and potentials of life... please see the contact section of this blog. I'm available to write, to create, to talk branding, social and comms or to talk to you about how you can do what you want. There is SO much potential in our world, let's drink it all up and believe.

Pictures (c) Pinterest.

No comments:

Post a comment