Musings of an opinionated, often delusional, wannabe-wit and emotional philosopher. Her useless ramblings on plays, parties, people, life, literature, art, fashion, London and the world.
Courage "Have courage, my dear. Have courage, be brave;" Words that slip into our psyches from childhood. Through Disney films and fairytales And scraped knees in the playground. "Be brave, be a big girl for me, won’t you." Fear, fear of the dark And of monsters under the bed, or in our head. Scared of characters from books And dirty looks From the coolest girl at school. My sister hated dogs, I ran from clowns. Still avoid the circus. I am a big girl now, not scraped my knee in years. But I’m less brave than I ever was, I think. Scared of failure, rejection, not knowing what I want. I run from confrontation, from an altercation. From dates. I am scared to feel awkward. I’d say, I don’t think I’m brave in any way. Courage is a word I long for, a lion’s heart. It’s easier for me to write my deepest thoughts online Than it is to ask for what I want from someone. Still scared of the dark and the monsters in my head. Though unless you live where you fight daily for basic human rights, Where your fears are hunger, violence, lack of freedom, Unless you live this. Unless your life is an extreme obstacle race. Then facing ourselves is the biggest fear we ever face. Have courage, my dear. Have courage, be brave; Walk into the dark and see what’s there, And love it. That’s courage.
Guys, I am cowering my head in shame as I have not posted since this time last WEEK. So much for my #100DaysofWriting. Even with weekends off, which I decided was necessary quite early on, this is still four days of nothing. I am getting back on the horse today with a post that I have been meaning to write for a while on greeting cards.... don't worry, it'll have lots of pics.
---------
Happy Birthday You Alcoholic, Spendthrift, Chocoholic, Cat-Lover...
The other day I went shopping for a birthday card for one of my best friends and left feeling irritated. This is something I have experienced before when hunting for cards. You see in well-stocked card shops and boutiques there is usually a wide variety of cards, many of which blow the stereotype out of the window, but most still reinforce it and in shops with a smaller choice, they all do.
What is this stereotype you may ask?
Here are some "ladies" having lunch... obvs with oodles of shopping bags and wearing ballgowns
According
to Greeting Cards, women are shopaholics who only care about looking
good and the sensual pleasures in life eg: chocolate, cake and wine. Or cats.
Or they think about cock all the time. And they spend lots of money on
said chocolate and shopping, but it is always their boyfriend's cash. And they "never have enough to wear", which is like the world's biggest disaster OMFG.
Does this really need a caption? There are some breasts...
Men
- according to greeting cards - men are equivalently obsessed with
tits and alcohol (maybe fair in some cases). And football is their shopping and they also
enjoy complaining about how their wives and girlfriends spend all their
money on shopping and wine etc. But men also have cars, all forms of
transport, actually, they tend to favour trains in youth and then cars
and boats (not sure how greeting -card woman gets anywhere- perhaps she
has to wait for her boyfriend to pick her up in a sports car). Greeting
card man also has all the sports that he can play, woman sometimes makes
reference to the gym, but usually only in the context of how she'd
prefer to have a Sauvignon Blanc. (She is definitely an alcoholic) .
See all women spend ridiculous amounts of money on face cream if it ensures a youthful appearance
Greeting
card woman is also very concerned with her age and her lines and how
people might think she looks compared to some 18 year old woman. Men are
concerned about age too, but mostly because they aren't as good at
football and maybe no women will let them stick it in them. They then progress straight to grumpy old man who likes gardening and moaning. Apparently.
Here they are... busy bitching about some wrinkles on some other, older women...
Ahhh a lovely Princess.. with animals dancing about her. That squirrel must be GM... haven't seen a red one in years.
Greeting card woman is also often described as being bossy and high maintenance and always right. Whether these are the only women who receive cards/star in them is unclear. Yes, she is either a bossy cow or a Princess or a Mum.. The Princesses piss me off the most to be honest, they are always wearing bloody pink and they really do nothing except wear crowns...
I spoke to my mother a while back about my frustration with greeting cards and she calmly said... yes but do you know how much these new stereotypes are a step forward from the old ones... She was talking about cards that featured good wives who cooked and often featured a vacuum cleaner as the central excitement. I understood her point.
And by the way, I think the stereotypes in cards are bad for men as well. I like to think that although men may enjoy looking at a large breast/having a beer/watching football, they may wish to be defined by some other facets of their personality on their day of birth.
Men are extremely simple don't you know...
Anyway, rant over, here are some more of the LOL cards I have discovered.... And if anyone else buys me a card about being a shopaholic who's constantly keeling over from excessive consumption of Rose Pinot and cake, I may scream... Unless... maybe... that's what people think of me. ;)
Another Wino Wendy. So LOL and original.
So I forgot how Greeting Card Woman is also really shit at packing and has to take LOADS of suitcases. Probs for all her clothes and shopping and face creams...
HA HA HA. Your daughter is an obese alcoholic who can't read ROFL ROFL
Young Greeting Card Woman (and Man) is often obsessed with WiFi and Gadgets. Apaz also still LOL to sort of hint and domestic abuse...
Aaaah a classic... (read no man in her life, probs wears weird clothes, smells)
Still wrong to be called high-maintenance and demanding. So deny it girls. Get your blow drys in secret. Wear jeans with rips.
Daphne is a lucky bitch who apparently lives in a lovely rural community with fields etc
Ah classic dog/bitch joke. Throw in a sausage there... why not...
What a bossy, hysterical woman. Also where is Mr Bossy..
Why would they when women love shopping SO MUCH and spending all their cash. LOL that men love Hawaiian shirts as well.
This is what women think, all the time
#The100DayProject #100DaysofWriting, Day 13 (late)
I think I'm ready now, finally. I have never really been before, but I think I am now because I know what I want and what I don't want. I've made those distinctions.
I've spend time having loveless flirtation and sensual (and not so sensual encounters). I've dated and dismissed many a man (and boy). I've had a few short "relationships". Mostly I've been afraid of it, to be honest, afraid of what somebody else would do to me.
Maybe it's because I wasn't really sure about myself, whether I like myself all that much, whether I was who I was meant to be. The thought of blind and internet (sorry app- what is this the 00s) dating just sent me into a spin of fear and insecurity that they might reflect back at me the flaws I had already outlined in myself.
I was never one of those people who dated to fill a hole or to feel more secure and steady in a situation, because for me, putting yourself into that vulnerable position of being half of two rather than half of one was not something that settled me. In fact it sent me careering off into outer space, heart thumping head-spinning, ecstatic then anxious, crying with laughter, then just crying. I didn't want this. I wanted a steady ground.
I am ready now, because I've realised what I want and that steadiness often comes from within. I'm ready now because I am happier with who I am.
So if you know anyone...
Kind but not weak. Compassionate, likes animals and nature. Reads, please. Interested in all ideas even if they don't agree with them. Doesn't talk over people who are quieter than them. Respect's people of all ages, sexes, colours, nationalities, backgrounds, creeds, educated or not. Realises we are all the same, WE ARE ALL THE SAME. Can take (and make) a joke. Does not practice bitterness. Loves to laugh, to make others laugh, the moment of laughter. Wants fun in life. Responsible, but not anal. Understands me, lets me be me, even if that is odd. Intelligent, not necessarily academically or bookish, but bright, sparky, interested. Likes talking and listening. Likes long conversations about the world and what it means... but can tug me in and make me feel safe too if I drift off into the stratosphere. Healthy attitude towards mind, body and soul. Appreciates and indulges in the sensual pleasures of life, but does not gorge on them. Smiles at people even if it makes them look stupid. Tactile. Reassuring. Shares their problems. Lets me look after them sometimes. Not scared of their feelings. Quiet, but also loud. Trustworthy and trusting. Has passions and interests. Would be a good father. I want to find him beautiful, but that doesn't mean anyone else needs to. Makes my friends smile and feel warm inside. Interested in my family. Open-minded. Likes the sea and the mountains and travelling. As flawed as humans are. Never thinks he knows it all.
Do you know anyone like that? I don't yet and this list may seem unrealisitc. But I have no stipulations for money or looks or background or anything else. None of that, just these things.
It's the thing that I do when I want to think, when I have problems or worries that I just can't solve. It's almost meditational to me... because generally whatever I''m struggling with works around and around in my head and some sort of solution is thrust forward.
My father takes a long bath whenever he is fussing over a conundrum, I walk.
Walking also helps me to really feel in the moment. To feel small and insignificant and to watch the world work around me, it reminds me that I'm not at the centre of it. The familiar buzz of humanity through towns; the shouting, laughter, irritation seeps through. It earths me. The rolling hills and trees do the same.
It's something about the nature of the rhythm of footsteps perhaps, perhaps they move unknowingly to the beat of your heart, to your breath and make you feel grounded and restful.
I don't know, all I do know is that it soothes me. And I can do it anywhere.
Whatever your soothing ritual is, or however you problem solve, be sure to include it in your daily routine. It is good for your soul, don't you know.
Today's post (a day late, soz) is a poem about Attempting Adulthood and how in your late twenties, everyone is at very different stages... I hope you like it. Please comment, share etc x
Attempting Adulthood
Don't wish your life away,
They say.
Don't wait for weekends and wine.
Be happy and balanced and like life all the time.
Go into Monday meetings with grace and a smile,
Lack of caffeine is not a reason to be hostile.
Make sure you exercise at least three times a week, but don't worry about your weight.
Squat, lunge, downward dog and eat a healthy diet, a colourful plate.
Read all sorts of books to nurture your mind.
Keep up with politics and documentaries. Be kind.
Do some charity work, perhaps.
Don't collapse.
Socialise, see art and plays and watch the news,
Don't overdo the booze.
If you're single,
You must mingle .
On Tinder and Happen and Hinge, Oh My.
You'll certainly find the girl or guy.
If you're not, then keep up with your mates
Inbetween the convos on mortgage rates.
What's your five year plan?
You've lost your tan.
She's lost her phone again, she's gone a bit wild;
Her ex is in Singapore having someone's love-child.
I can't really afford to go out tonight;
They exchange in the next fortnight.
I'm thinking of sacking it all in to go travelling
My life is unravelling...
You're still young-ish... well not old yet
Too old for drugs and student debt.
Tick-tock,
Biological clock.
I'm bored of the city, but I like the culture and food at 3am
When do you ever use them?
I have a cleaner but shop at Asda and Primark.
I won't queue for clubs anymore, but I'm still scared of the dark.
Nothing's solved with drink, aimless spending or a late-night screw.
As the cliche says, just do what's right for you.
**
So I realised today that I have developed a full on eleven year-old fangirl obsession with Taylor Swift, I am literally obsessed with everything she does and everybody she hangs out with and I am sure it is NOT NORMAL for somebody my age. The thing is she's just so cool and so supportive of woman and lovely and wonderfully dressed and yet she is also a bit of a - what the Americans would call - a dork. I'd say a loser, geek or weirdo. If we're talking a American Pie / Mean Girls world here, she's definitely not the cheerleader, she's the band geek or the art freak. And that I think is why I love her, because she's interesting and slightly odd as well as having super cool clothes, great songwriting skills and a crew of BFFs that I would kill to hangout with. As a fellow former loserish kid who liked learning, I can feel it. So it's ok to be in your late-twenties and love her... Right?
Here's some of evidence of why I do
1) Clothes
Ok, the girl can dress, but she couldn't always. Back in the early days of T, it was all Cinderella white lace and little house on the praire and all a bit "Y'all coming to milk the cows on the farm and then Jim-Bob's taking me to thr prom..". Now, though she's found her groove and she's ice cool without having to be "LOOK AT ME" which so many other female celebrities are.
Also, she doesn't have a tendency to carefully curate her cleavage or let her arse enter first which other young women do (not that I am against this, gurl can do what she wants). But I like the fact that Taylor turns heads without needing to compete for nudity levels.. except those famous legs of course (see below).
2) Songs
Look, I'm a fan of Country music, so I've pretty much liked all her albums but 1989 is just so good. So catchy and with clever lyrics. I mean the tumblr generation freak out about them, because they feel like she is WRITING THEIR LIVES OMFG, and isn't that what the best songwriters do.
Even my 21-year-old DJ brother admits to thinking it's "a really great pop album"... Watch out for the upcoming premiere of the video for new single Bad Blood, which features many of her equally rad BFFs Cara, Ellie, Lena et al.. speaking of which...
3) Her Woman Crew (& Ed)
Taylor's friendship circle causes me to feel 80% "Go Women" and 20% seething jealousy that I will never get to hang out with them. From supermodels like Karlie Kloss and Cara Delevingne to other popbaes like Ellie Goulding and Lorde, to my idol Lena Dunham and loads of Americans that I know vaguely from reading Sugarscape (sue me). She seems to be constantly hanging out with achingly successful young women. And it seems it is often she who extends the hand of friendship through fangirling over them herself, with no need for a "cool" face on it. And who wouldn't want to be her friend tbh, who wouldn't want to be part of that kind of ambitious, supportive, whirpool of women power where everyone is -like- free to be themselves -you know..
Plus there's the fact she's got Mr Sheeran - the nicest and most talented man in Britain (and the world probs) on speed dial as her best man-friend. (I'm mean I'm hoping they'll get married tbh)
4) She's So Bloody Nice
Taylor's treatment of her fan's is legendary, from throwing pre-album launch parties to "Swiftmas" to surprising them out of the blue. She also was also named the "Most Charitable Celeb" of 2014 by DoSomething.Org for her work for feminist causes and New York City public schools. She has, as Glamour recently wrote, made Nice cool again.. and thank goodness for that.
5) Legs
She has the most enviable legs in the business. Full stop. And she's over 5'10, which is so refreshing in the celeb land of minature people.
6) Her List of Ex-boyfriends and How She "Deals" When it's Over
I really don't think women should be judged by who or how many people they date. However, Taylor's got an enviable list of exes and the fact that her relationships with famous men are splashed all over the papers and then when the relationship ends, the lovely media seem to relish in her heartbreak is part of her journey. This is because of how she deals with it, rarely mentioning it in interviews and instead pouring it out in her songs, which to be honest is how we'd all like to get over relationships if we could isn't it... purge the issues and all. Her song "Shake it Off" says it all really, "I go on too many dates, but I can't make 'em stay.. At least that's what people say mmm, that's what people say mmm." People are currently saying that she's dating super star DJ Calvin Harris. Good luck to them; it takes a real good man to keep up with her.
7) Haters Gonna Hate
A lot of people seem to hate Taylor online and off and she has dealt with any hate in the most decourous and graceful manner. She has even recently made up with Kanye West after he stormed the stage at the 2009 Grammy's to claim Beyonce deserved the award and not her. When Lorde called her "too perfect" in an interview, she proceeded to make her her best friend.
Mostly she says, she avoids reading most things that are written about her, because it is not said by her fans and it is not relevant to her life.
"The little I am exposed to hurts my feelings. The only things I can
really control are my songs and my behavior. The rest? If I focused on
it, that would lead to insanity."
8) Business Woman
Nobody should underestimate Taylor, for all the sweet words and the niceness and the cats, she is one of the most successful women in the world right now. She is a steely business woman, but she has done it without trampling all over other people, another score for feminism, she is destroying the belief that women must fit into the patriarchal definition of success to make it.
Her net worth is estimated at $200 million dollars. She has made shrewd moves like not only copyrighting her entire lyrics but also key phrases in her songs like "this sick beat". Her music is not available through free-streaming powerhouse Spotify as she believes it is unfair on the musicians and artists who make the music to give it away. When her record label were unsure about her making a pop record, she went ahead an made 1989 anyway, because it was what she wanted to do. She is also a social media powerhouse. She has cultivated her own brand and her own business and stayed true tp herself whilst doing it. (*high five emojis).
9) She's a bit of a "Loser" Really
Another example of staying true to herself is that she doesn't try to look cool or change her natural enthusisasm for life in order to fit in to some sexy-starlet stereotype. Half her instagram feed is videos of her cats.Of course she is a beautiful, successful woman and that brings with it a certain status, but she is always willing to be the geek.
She loves cooking and making things and staying in and she has never been pictued falling out of a club. There's no whiff of drug or alcohol rumours and she loves her Mum, who prior to her recent Cancer diagnosis has been on every tour with her. The thing is with Taylor, she's not anti-cool, she's just made it cool to be nice, to be inclusive, to support others, to love a lot and to have an open heart. And this most of all, is why I bloody love the girl. If only we were all this wise at 25.
"Well, I just don't place much priority on looking cool, and I think at 25, I'm finally OK with feeling that. I've said this before. I think
there's this priority on having this persona of being edgy or cool
or bored. And those things are all sexy. All those things are chic,
when you seem not to care about anything other than yourself. And I
just don't buy into it. I'm really excited by lots of things. I
think enthusiasm is the best protection. It can protect you
from anything. And I don't feel bored by any of this, so I
don't strive to look bored by any of this." (c) Glamour 2015
Today I do not feel inspired to
write at all. I have flicked through The Writer’s Block and nothing is jumping
out at me and I have even delved into the depths of my computer hard drive and
opened unfinished pieces of writing from the last 10 years... None of it has
piqued my inspiration.
And so today I'm writing a gratitude
list. Every book I have ever read about life or how to live it better
suggests doing this daily and a grateful heart is a powerful thing, as I previously mentioned
in another post for The 100 Day Project.
My Gratitude Today
I am grateful for my parents, who
have supported me in everything I have ever wanted to do. Who know when to question
me, when to soothe me and when to leave me alone. I am especially grateful for
the conversations we have now I am an adult; I cherish those conversations and
sometimes feel joy to the point of tears whilst having them.
And my siblings who are the only
people that shared my upbringing and who have all taught me different things
about being human. My quiet, kind, elder-younger sister, who has the patience
of a saint and the stubborn nature of an ass. Who has stood by me and looked
after me when I’ve got myself into stupid situations, always willing to help
and never needing the limelight.
And my middle younger sister who
was born “special” and has taught everyone around her so much. She has made me feel
at my most angry and upset and embarrassed and ashamed over the years, but I am
grateful for it all. Now she has inspired a novel, the writing of which is
taking me on a personal journey.
My little brother is at his best
one of the most charismatic people I know. He is brave and thoughtful and brash
and funny. We could talk for hours even though sometimes our differences in
opinion cause me to have to physically walk away from a conversation.
I am grateful for my peer-group friends,
old and newer. Mostly women, but some men who have seen every side of me and
loved it. Laughter to the point that I have lost control of my bladder, long
conversations, short conversations, introspective conversations, sad
conversations. Tears, some that are so good. Soul-buzzing sunny holidays and
long car journeys and rainy days in the pub, where I don't stop smiling. Arguments
and shouting on occasion which can sometimes feel even better because they make
you realise how well you know each other and the sunshine after a storm is even
better. The ones that ask for my advice
because they really want it and I give it to them from my heart with no ego
involved. I love that they make me feel so comfortable that I do this.
And hundreds of other older
friends and family friends and relatives, all who give me something. Many who I
could talk to for hours.
I am grateful for books, that I
am lucky enough to be able to read them. I am grateful for the things they have
taught me and continue to teach me and that they will always be my solace.
I am grateful that I have a body
that works and is healthy, even though I don’t think it is perfect. I am also
thankful that I have recently discovered yoga, as I believe this has changed my
attitude towards my body.
I am grateful for the many places
I have visited. For sunshine, for mountains, for green. For the power of
natural beauty and the secrets and history of cities. I am grateful for the
places I have lived, for London, for Surrey, New York, Hong Kong, Canada and
Newcastle. Also for the places I have not yet been which keep me enthralled
with the world.
I am grateful for the sensory
pleasures in life that I am lucky enough to be able to experience every day.
The taste of good food, the warmth of wine, bed, flowers, candles, baths, music...
all the music.
I am grateful to all the
relationships and lovers I have had, for they have all taught me something,
even if it is what I don’t want.
I am grateful to be discovering spirituality
and my beliefs.
I am so thankful for my house and
my comfortable living situation. I love the beautiful things in it.
I am grateful for theatre and art
and all forms of other people’s expressions and observations of the world.
I am grateful that I loved
school.
I am grateful that I can choose
what to do with my day.
I am grateful that I do not live
in an environment of fear or a country where I have no voice.
I am thankful for social media
and online communities, because they show me even more of the world and
introduce me to wonderfully creative people.
So Lena Dunham is 29 today, which is my age and it made me feel great that she was... and then slightly insecure that she's achieved so much in terms of writing and creating, and I, well, haven't yet...But then I thought about being 29 and what that means, and what it means is that you are 30 next year (Jan for me)... And then I thought about turning 30 and... basically, I'm looking forward to it now.
When I was 25, I had a life-crisis for a week, feeling old and WTF am I doing and thirty is around the corner... and now I've come to terms with it and I am excited to reach the landmark and own it.
Here's 10 reasons why:
1) People take you more seriously...
I don't think this is just a woman thing... I hope it's not anyway. But when you are in your twenties... a lot of people still look at you and think.. "ahh youth" when you have an opinion or "OK maybe darling" when you make a life decision.
If you went to have an important operation, would you prefer a 28 year-old doctor or a 32 year-old one?
2) I've felt around 30 inside, since I was born.
My mother said I was born 32, that I came out with this wise look in my eyes, forgive a mother;s bias.. it was a compliment. What I remember is my university boyfriend when I asked about the "financial situation" of his best friend at uni who had a gambling issue. "WTF are you talking about..." he said, "Financial situation.". I was confused. People have always looked at me like I'm a lunatic because I think about things in a way that people a lot older than me would (believe me this is not said in an arrogant way)... I feel at 30, maybe I won't seem like such an old bore anymore.
3) Dating up and down is fine
25 or 35 is OK at 30...
See also, having younger and older friends....
4) I just want to hang out in places where I can have a nice conversation and not SHOUT.
This is an oldie but a goodie. It's true though. WTF the point is in going to see your friends in a bar or club that is so loud that basically you don't hear anything they say all night.
5) Things.... are just not so important
You used to think that things made you feel successful and important. Now you know that actually experiences do... and at 30 it's not too cringe to admit that.
6) I like reading OK... and maybe not just on holiday or the latest "blockbuster".
I mean, I've always liked reading. I read bible sized books at 13 and got teased for it. It's been building up to it for years, but finally at 30, most people embrace the value of books.
7) It's not cool to hate
Yourself, or people, or things... I feel like being disinterested or dismissive of things is a disease of your twenties.. THANK HELL. I've always loved loving things and experiences and the oncoming milestone of thirty is helping me LOVE myself too. (Yes, I've used that phrase- suck it!!)
8) Decorating and interiors
Do I need to explain this...?
9) Problems are problems
OK, this may seem bitchy of me, but how many times in our twenties are we all ready to deal with a friend's HUMONGOUS problem before the actual issue is regurgitated to you and you realise it is nothing. As we get older, we realise what is a real issue and worth the attention of that and what is not. I am looking forward to dismissing my minor issues as irrelevant.
10) 29 is just asking for it...
You know what I mean, it is a shifty age is 29, neither here nor there. It's like PMS for 30.
I was reading the other day about a tendency in law, politics and science to "search
for, interpret, or recall information in a way that confirms one's
beliefs or hypotheses." It is called "Confirmation Bias, or Myside Bias"
and it can be very damaging in legal cases and international
decisions. Science Daily outlines how "decision makers have been shown
to actively seek out and assign more weight to evidence that confirms
their hypothesis, and ignore or underweigh evidence that could
disconfirm their hypothesis."2
But what if we also do this to ourselves, how damaging can that be?
I
am talking about this in reference to people who are apt to
self-criticism, depression, jealousy and insecurity, not to those - who
in the opposite way- may seem to have overinflated egos.
For, if we already walk about this earth with a certain set of beliefs, surely there is a propensity to reconfirm these to ourselves daily, every time something happens or someone speaks to us. And might this mean we become our own jailers.
Sometimes
I just crave green you know. The colour of the earth. It is not easy to
write about it, because I feel that words can't explain that feeling
of peace.
It
is not always green, often yellow or purple or pink, the sound of an
animal, the sound of the sea, the quiet of the mountains. The smell of
soil or salt or wild garlic.
In
the city we can miss it. Mostly we miss it until it creeps up on us; a
branch brushing a bus window and then the craving for it tugs us inside and
we seek it out...
