Love, Please Read the Signs...

Have you ever had one of those days that pricks you, pinches you, pokes you around; life's not slapping you in the face, it's just cruelly teasing you like a small child would another, pushing your boundaries until you feel like crumbling up into the foetus position and weeping with the fatigue of it. I just had one of those days/24 hours and I hated it. I hated it mostly because my usual mantra is to rise above the angst and the first world problems and the stupid day-to-day shit. I like to play the part of positive and enthused even when I don't feel that even a little bit. Because I used to be a bit of a melancholy, cynic at times and I did not enjoy it one little bit.

But today.. Aah today got to me and I did not enjoy it. I wanted to cry and complain and beat my fists, beat away the feeling of not being good enough. Because surely it could not be my fault this prickly day. However, following a little bit (a lot) of thought and deep breaths, I realised this prickling, this poking by life is just it giving me a little shove, a little push, a little bit of a hard time..

Move it's telling me, move. There are things you're not happy with. You're ignoring some things. PAY ATTENTION to the signs, to yourself. 

If we listened to ourselves and our reactions to things daily, we would have a clear map of where we would be happiest going (joy is in the journey, you will always be on one). We'd have Google maps and City Mapper and Uber metaphorically routed out in our brains.

Why are we resisting, why are we angry, why are we upset? Think about yourself love, think about what you want.

When I get in these muddles, I try to think  like I'm talking to my best friend whom I love and respect and not myself who I often berate. It's part of what Zen Buddhism teaches really, be mindful, be mindful of yourself and the moment. Don't over react or rage or squash it. Zen teaches you to have a still mind. A balanced mind at all times, because external circumstances should not affect your happiness if you are truly balanced inside.

But whilst we are trying to gain a balanced life, a happy mind, sometimes we need to give into the tears and the anger and the frustration; let it roll over you, indulge in it for just a little bit and then asks yourself why and move forward... Make decisions. Eschew practicality for a moment and then think about what it is you really want out of life and if your current path is taking you there.

Because love, you see, as countless cliches claim, life is now and you are living it and if you have these things that we should all be grateful for every day, namely food, warmth, clothes, lack of real fear, literacy, anyone who loves you- thanks to Marc and Angel for that link- but if you have these things.. you don't need be facing daily taunting and teasing and struggles with yourself.

Put an ear to the ground, think and listen and make a new choice tomorrow. Change things that need to be changed to make you happy, because only you have the power to, love. Only you.

Stop Schizing Out You Retard: The #ThinkSpeakMind Mantra

Why is Derogatory Language Towards the Mentally Ill and Disabled Still Accepted?

In the media we are constantly hearing about instances of misuse of language that offends. Whether this is racist insults or homophobic slanders, misuse of words such as rape, sexist jibes etc; any celebrity or politician or public persona that slips is plastered all over the front page and decimated by the twitter-sphere whether their use of this language was purposeful or not. 

I abhor cruel, offensive language. I also think people should be careful when they are using powerful words e.g. rape as a metaphor or to enhance a feeling. Case in point Charlize Theron or Brooks Newmark. It trivialises the awful reality of the word. Language is powerful and we should be aware of how we use it. The point I am raising is why we do not place the same value on slang used to describe those with mental disorders, learning difficulties or those who are mentally ill. 

In the last six months, I have often heard each of the below used at least once informally and unashamedly to describe situations:

- She is such a schizo, she was fine one minute ago 

(someone who changes mood quickly)

- Stop having an epi, we'll sort it 

(To someone who is getting very wound up) - Epilepsy is not even a mental illness or learning difficulty, it's a neurological disorder but it is used in a similar vein

- God, I'm such a retard / so autistic

(after making a stupid mistake / being a bit oddly numerate)

- You're such a spaz

(to someone who has tripped clumsily) 

- I'm going mental, seriously

(a lot and I've been guilty of this one as casual adjective)

- You look fucking rexy, amazing 

(to someone who has lost weight)

- Are you being a bit "special"

(to someone who is struggling to complete a task)

- Can you wipe the surface after, sorry I'm so OCD

(after cooking or using a kitchen)

I could go on. The thing Is people don't react to these things like they would if I said "You look so gay", or "Stop being such a big girl" (said to a man) or any other offensive comment.

Why is this? Having grown up with a sister with significant learning difficulties, I have spent my life wincing every time people casually say retarded. I usually don't react angrily to it because I don't believe that it helps -(unless someone is saying something offensive about people with learning difficulties)- if it's used casually, I tend to ignore it. At the very most, I'll ask them softly not to use that language. I understand that it has become a colloquialism, however I think now is the time to change that.

People who are mentally ill or mentally disabled (very different things too obviously, I'm aware), who have the conditions that the words are referring to are not being stupid or overreacting or behaving in an unnecessary way like the slang insinuates. It is not a choice, nor does it make them any less than anyone else. I know that the world still struggles to understand mental health, learning difficulties and those that are not "normal" but I believe we really we need to lead by example and change this way of speaking as we have done for racist, sexist or homophobic vocabulary. It is important.

This is not about being politically correct, but being humans*. Because to understand and to learn and to empathise, we need to adjust our expression and remember that like everybody, people with these conditions are sisters, brothers, fathers, mothers, friends, colleagues and they have sisters, fathers, brothers, fathers, mothers, friends and colleagues. In fact most people know someone who has a mental illness or know someone who has been born with a mental disability.

I'm starting a movement, not of blame and finger pointing but of re-education and I will be using the hashtag #thinkspeakmind

When I talk about my sister, I generally say she has Special Needs because she does, but she's also just special and I mean that in the wonderful sense of the word, of being an amazing, incredible individual who just happens not to have the same abilities as others. Seeing and hearing that word used derogatorily is like a burn every time.

I've also known people who've suffered with mental illness and again the casual use of language does not help and in some cases can cause shame in talking to anyone about it.

#ThinkSpeakMind

Spread it about, tell me your stories and help people to understand.

*I've most probably slipped up in my reference to something even in this short post..